Imponderable #29: The LL Bean Catalogue.

30 Dec

December 30, 2011

I have previously taken a stand against “toys” that are nothing more than a sad parody of what toys should be. For example, in my blog “Birth of The Office Drone” I described in excruciating detail how some people think so little of children that they need to give them a toy that is an exact replica of an adult’s briefcase and contents (like name badge and cell phone- what fun) instead of letting the children make their own pretend items out of household goods and their own imagination.

I found this in the LL Bean catalogue. I HATE this toy. LL Bean is guilty of neutering childhood. This toy is killing my youth.

What child can’t make a snowman? What child needs a pre-made snowman kit? Building a snowman is one of the last wholesome winter activities left that is all imagination and adult-free. Or at least it was.

Fake buttons, wooden antlers, and a phony carrot nose. What about finding real buttons around the house? Antlers made out of branches? A real carrot? And worse, this kit says to the child “this is how you make a snowman.” Oh yeah? Well I want my snowman to have a Mets cap and a wooden pipe. You’ll find neither of those in this kit, and I bet that no kit would dare to be so politically incorrect as to include a pipe.

Is it really that hard to find things to stick on a snowman?

What galls me even more is that warning. “Should only be handled or used with adult supervision.” WHY? Is there jagged glass included in the set? LL Bean is taking away the magic and joy from childhood. But I can’t only blame them. I have to blame the idiotic consumers who bought every last one. Yes, this item is sold out.

7 reviews all glowing, a 5-star rating.

I weep for the youth of the world.

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He was made of snow but the children
Know how he came to life one day.
There must have been some magic in that
Old silk hat they found.
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around.

Nowhere does it mention pre-made snowman parts from the LL Bean catalogue.

What is going to happen to the children of the world when every last shred of imagination is forced out of them? Who wants to raise a generation of kids who can’t build their own snowman?

The question is Imponderable.

And I am afraid.

6 Responses to “Imponderable #29: The LL Bean Catalogue.”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT December 30, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    “Who wants to raise a generation of kids who can’t build their own snowman?”

    The same people who want adults to think they are happy, mature, and have accomplished something because they have the latest cell phone and a shiny new car?


    • bmj2k December 30, 2011 at 12:31 am #

      That is true, but have you noticed That the more high-tech things get the more dumbed down they get? We will be a society of idiots with fancy phones. Oh, wait a sec…


      • misanthropicdrunk January 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

        Damn kids. They’ve had the brains bred out of ’em. And the adults like this because it makes ’em easier to look after. The sooner this god damn human race becomes extinct, the better.


        • bmj2k January 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

          Hard to argue with that.


  2. Thomas Stazyk December 30, 2011 at 12:53 am #

    It’s even worse. I think the people who bought that snowman toy also bought this:

    And if you want a real imponderable, check out this


    • bmj2k December 30, 2011 at 6:15 am #

      Wow, what cuddly pee and poo.
      Never expected that.


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