Vrooom-A-Zoom Zoom!

18 Jun

July 18, 2021

Amos: I’m a Zoomer now!
Me: What?
Amos: I’m a Zoomer. I’m zooming!

That’s Amos, who works for me. He’s a crack investigator whom I once avoided for 20 minutes by the cleaver ruse of simply walking two feet behind him and slightly to his left.

Amos has a little trouble with technology.

Amos: This cellular phone isn’t working.
Me: What’s wrong?
Amos: I can’t find the antenna. I think it must have fallen off.

I had to set up a Zoom meeting for Amos so he could get some training from an outside contractor.

Amos: That’s what you call people who do Zoomer meetings, isn’t it? Zoomers?
Me: Yup. You’re a Zoomer.

Amos has gone through 4 cell phones since I have known him, about 3 years. They never seem to work right. They all have the same problem: user error. Amos has no idea how to set up a contact, so every time I call him- and during the week I may call him four or five times a day- I have to tell him who’s calling when he picks up since he doesn’t recognize my number.

Amos also cannot receive email on his phone. There is something wrong with the settings on all his phones, he tells me. He’s gone to his local Staples to fix it and they always tell him they can’t find anything wrong. Amos says it is a scam to get him to buy a new phone, which he usually does.

When I want to send a case to Amos, I have to email it from a coworker’s account since Amos has somehow blocked me on his email, which he has to go to Staples to access and someone there has to “pull the email off the computer” for him.

My boss recently bought a fax machine for Amos. That was nearly three months ago. It is still not working. Amos has called in the phone company, the company that made the fax machine, and tech support from a number he saw on a flyer on a pole, and they all agree that there is nothing wrong. Amos is so far behind that he is flailing about like a trout on the line trying to figure out the fax machine, a piece of technology that is nearly obsolete.

Amos does not have a home phone line and is dependent on his cell phone (a disaster in the event of emergency) so in order to set up the fax he needed a phone line put in, which will cost him $30 a month. He asked my boss to reimburse him for that. My boss, who is notoriously cheap, agreed to pay it based on my advice.

I told him why not? The odds are he’ll never figure out how to use it anyway and he’ll send it back.

Go Speed Amos Go!


6 Responses to “Vrooom-A-Zoom Zoom!”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT June 19, 2021 at 11:56 pm #

    People like that are just amazing… I’ve met several like that. One of my sisters, who has come a long way in the past few years, though, used to have that kind of relationship with technology… some of her famous quotes:
    – “Rewind the CD”
    – “While you cook I’ll go upstairs, I need to download the internet”
    And I could go on.
    Anyway, Amos is my new hero 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • bmj2k June 20, 2021 at 12:42 am #

      Last year he had to take an online 30 hour OSHA certification course. He has no computer so he had to take it in the office. It took him 3 1/2 weeks.


      • Mac of BIOnighT June 20, 2021 at 7:25 am #

        I want a T-shirt with his face 😀


        • bmj2k June 20, 2021 at 1:46 pm #

          I can probably do that. He’s actually a good looking guy.


    • bmj2k June 30, 2021 at 11:11 am #

      By complete and very random coincidence, my wife and I ran into Amos at a bus stop nowhere near anyplace we’d expect to run into him. My wife can now confirm that Amos in real life is every bit as described above.


  2. bmj2k June 30, 2021 at 11:12 am #

    UPDATE: My boss told Amos to forget about the fax machine and just return it.


Have something to say? Let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: