Tag Archives: cell phones

Vrooom-A-Zoom Zoom!

18 Jun

July 18, 2021

Amos: I’m a Zoomer now!
Me: What?
Amos: I’m a Zoomer. I’m zooming!

That’s Amos, who works for me. He’s a crack investigator whom I once avoided for 20 minutes by the cleaver ruse of simply walking two feet behind him and slightly to his left.

Amos has a little trouble with technology.

Amos: This cellular phone isn’t working.
Me: What’s wrong?
Amos: I can’t find the antenna. I think it must have fallen off.

I had to set up a Zoom meeting for Amos so he could get some training from an outside contractor.

Amos: That’s what you call people who do Zoomer meetings, isn’t it? Zoomers?
Me: Yup. You’re a Zoomer.

Amos has gone through 4 cell phones since I have known him, about 3 years. They never seem to work right. They all have the same problem: user error. Amos has no idea how to set up a contact, so every time I call him- and during the week I may call him four or five times a day- I have to tell him who’s calling when he picks up since he doesn’t recognize my number.

Amos also cannot receive email on his phone. There is something wrong with the settings on all his phones, he tells me. He’s gone to his local Staples to fix it and they always tell him they can’t find anything wrong. Amos says it is a scam to get him to buy a new phone, which he usually does.

When I want to send a case to Amos, I have to email it from a coworker’s account since Amos has somehow blocked me on his email, which he has to go to Staples to access and someone there has to “pull the email off the computer” for him.

My boss recently bought a fax machine for Amos. That was nearly three months ago. It is still not working. Amos has called in the phone company, the company that made the fax machine, and tech support from a number he saw on a flyer on a pole, and they all agree that there is nothing wrong. Amos is so far behind that he is flailing about like a trout on the line trying to figure out the fax machine, a piece of technology that is nearly obsolete.

Amos does not have a home phone line and is dependent on his cell phone (a disaster in the event of emergency) so in order to set up the fax he needed a phone line put in, which will cost him $30 a month. He asked my boss to reimburse him for that. My boss, who is notoriously cheap, agreed to pay it based on my advice.

I told him why not? The odds are he’ll never figure out how to use it anyway and he’ll send it back.

Go Speed Amos Go!


YouTube Turns People Into Idiots. (Classic Repost)

29 Aug

August 29, 2012

This ran two years ago and nothing has changed. Things have only gotten worse.

from October 18, 2010

Actually, what YouTube does is take idiots and give them a forum. That gives the idiots carte  blanche to act stupid in public.

Case in point:

I was shopping in ShopRite tonight and I came upon this scene:

  • A large display of mousetraps, knocked over and  scattered all over the floor.
  • A man, obviously a store manager, wearing a crisp shirt and tie, on his hands and knees scooping up the traps into a shopping cart.
  • A woman, holding the hand of a young child with her left hand, and filming the mess with her cell phone camera in her right over the man’s shoulder not two feet away. She was smiling and in a hoarse, cigarette-ruined voice, narrating into the phone and laughing.

“See this mess? (ha ha ha) This is the mess my baby made. (turns the camera to the child, who is laughing and playing with a rat trap, and pans back.) This shit is all over the floor and this guy (ha ha ha) has to clean it up! This is going up tonight! (ha ha cough rasp ha)”

You could see from the look on the manager’s face that he was seething and wanted to at the very least kick the crap out of the woman, but he kept his professionalism and ignored her. I really don’t know how he did it.

But this woman thought it was great! Just great! that her son knocked over the display, felt no need to help clean it up, and thought nothing of embarrassing the poor guy so she could post the whole mess on YouTube. And on top of it all, there was nothing funny about any of it. It was all really sad. That woman needs to have her kid taken away if that’s how she’s raising him.

I don’t blame YouTube for turning her into an idiot. She must have been an idiot long before that site came along. But if it weren’t for YouTube she wouldn’t have been filming over the poor man’s shoulder and coughing into his ear and he would still have some of his dignity.

And on a related note, someone needs to tell ShopRite that it isn’t appetizing to have a mouse trap display right next to the fresh produce aisle.

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