Tag Archives: Sanford and Son

Fun With The Google Doodle AKA Is That Fred Sanford?

9 Feb

February 9, 2016

I am sorry to inform you, Dear Readers, that Allan Keyes has returned to the pages of The Tepid Ride, for apparently no other reason than to insult me. Letters of complaint should be addressed to Allan Keyes himself, as we disavow all knowledge of his activities.

keyes1.jpg

Allan Keyes is back, baby! Now that Mr. Blog has lifted his restraining order, I am back to doing what I do best- improving Mr. Blog’s internet ranking. Just look at this chart I made up found on the internet:

Views of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride when Allan Keyes does not post 13 views per month
Views of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride when there is a new Allan Keyes masterpiece 1,068 views per minute

So Mr. Blog needs me, and if he knows what’s good for him he’ll keep those checks coming.

Anyway, when I am not pursuing my highly rewarding career as a master vintner, I can often be found on the internet, where I use my time productively googling things like old Moms Mabley performances on YouTube.

Google does a stupid picture (my God, I am not going to type “google doodle,” that’s just wrong) for pretty much any event, so according to google, Black History Month is just as important as the birthday of the guy who got a high score on Frogger. Now Allan Keyes is nothing if not loving and tolerant, unless you piss me off, so I have to stand up for Frederick Douglass.

This is the google doodle (ok, I did it) they used to honor Frederick Douglass:

clean google

Now I know as much about Black History as the next guy, as long as the next guy is also white, but I say that is not Frederick Douglass, it’s Redd Foxx.

foxx meme

And trust me, no one has done more for black history than Redd Foxx. Except maybe Frederick Douglass. And a lot of other people. But none of them have gotten away with saying this on network TV:

Ah, I love the 70’s. No one gave a crap back then. Tarzan movie, HA! Does laughing at that make me a racist? Uh oh.

But getting back to the point, whatever it was, it turns out that Redd Foxx is a dead ringer for Frederick Douglas

Frederick_Douglass_portrait_900x6002

celebrating-frederick-douglass-6263843829317632-hp

So to sum up:
– Allan Keyes is back
– Screw you Mr. Blog
– Frederick Douglass was born too soon to do standup in Las Vegas
– He also kinda looks like Moses in that doodle too
– Here’s the return of the Fat Guy Eating a Cheeseburger

fat guy beef

 

 

 

 

 

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Who is the best 1970’s television role model? FINAL ROUND!

19 Jan

January 18, 2010

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

Round Three was a hard fought brawl between two icons of justice, Barnaby Jones and Abe Vigoda. Despite heavy Geritol use and accusations of Viagra-juicing, the clear winner was Fish, setting up our

FINAL ROUND
THREE-WAY
WINNER-TAKE-ALL
BRAWL-FOR-IT -ALL:
Esther Rolle        Vs.     “The Man”        Vs. The Fish                               
“panties”                 “Which way to the Wonka-crapper?”    First GQ cover

Before declaring a winner, let’s take a final look at our contestants.

I’m not sure what is going on in this picture, but JJ sure looks uncomfortable. Any minute I expect Chris Hansen to walk out of Thelma’s bedroom and offer some lemonade.

Here we see Jack “The Man” Albertson in a scene from the 1977 made-for TV movie, “Not Without my Psoriasis,” which exposed the then-little known danger of moles and skin lesions.

For decades, Abe Vigoda has been plagued by rumors of his death. These rumors began in 1978, when he actually died, and later came back as a mummy.

Here we see him attending his own funeral:

Before we reveal the winner, what does the Best 1970’s TV Role Model win? This fabulous trophy!

No, not those fabulous trophies, this fabulous trophy:

Before we reveal the winner, let’s take a look at two men who almost made the finals.

 QUINCY, M.E.

Quincy was ruled ineligible when it was discovered that he used performance enhancing drugs and lied to Congress during the MLB steroid inquiry.

 FRED MERTZ

Despite having died in 1966, we wanted to include him for the memorable TVLand commercial that featured his pants.

 Yes, his pants.

AND THE WINNER IS:

 WHITMAN MAYO!

Whitman Mayo?

Yes, Whitman Mayo.
Whitman Mayo: Sanford and Son’s Grady.
Whitman Mayo:  Diff’rent Strokes mean Uncle Jethro, who tried to take Willis and Arnold away from Mr. Whitey, er, I mean Drummund.
Whitman Mayo: Star of …

 Crash Corrigan Meets The Kelp Men


This serial is also notable as the first clothed appearance of porn star Monte Blue.

In this serial, Whitman Mayo spent 13 spine-tingling chapters evading this tin can robot:


Eventually, Whitman Mayo defeated the robots with a device that looked suspiciously like a cross between a fishing pole and a view master. In Chapter Eleven, Flaming Death, Mayo cemented his status as the Best TV Role Model of the 1970’s when he first uttered the immortal words that would become his catchphrase, “Great Googly Moogly!”

That locution, that seedy beard, that eerie resemblance to Wally “Famous” Amos, truly, the Best TV Role Model of the 1970’s!

One can only wonder what would happen if he were pitted against the Best TV Role Model of the 1980’s…..

NOT COMING SOON:

Who Has The Best TV Mustache?

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