Tag Archives: mustache

Chiller Theatre April 2015: Black Ink and Colorful People

27 Apr

April 27, 2015

I went to the Chiller Theatre Convention this past weekend and as always, a good time was had by all. There were plenty of celebrities. I got my picture taken with Gilbert Gottfried, and he autographed a Dracula Gottfried picture for me.

Dracula Gottfried

You may remember Dracula Gottfried from this blog post.

The interesting thing was, for a guy known so much for his voice, I don’t think I heard him speak to anyone.

I also had my picture taken with Gavin “Captain Stubing from the Love Boat” MacLeod, and yes, he was wearing his captain’s hat. That man knows which side his bread is buttered on.

crop merrill

Along with movie and TV stars, and also a few people you aren’t quite sure how to categorize (AKA The Guy Who Played Chaka The Ape Boy On Land Of The Lost), there were a lot of wrestlers. This is normal for Chiller, and leads me into my biannual Greg “The Hammer” Valentine update. I’ve been doing this since 2012, when he looked like this:

It became a legend that his leathery, almost baseball glove-like face never, ever changed. In fact, he almost never seemed to move. Here he is last year:

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

And here he is all the shows in between:

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

So what did he look like this year?

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

I don’t know. He wasn’t there. This was quite a big blow to me, not because I actually wanted to see him, but because I wanted to see how many years I could keep this joke running. 2012 – 2015. Not bad.

But softening the blow was the fact that Jake “The Snake” Roberts was here this year, and trust me, he didn’t move much either. However, I hope he shows up next year, and you’ll see why in a second. He’s going to replace Greg Valentine as the new running Chiller joke, and it is all because of his mustache.

Here’s how he was advertised on the Chiller site:

grey jake

And here’s how he looked in person.

black jake

That mustache has been dyed to within an inch of its life. In fact, the only thing there to rival Jake’s mustache was Anson William’s hair. Yes, Potsie from Happy Days. His head looked like he had just dunked it in a vat of ink. Sorry there’s no picture, I couldn’t stop staring and lost my senses.

Also there were The Dudley Boys, Bubba Ray and Devon. Immediately after I shot this picture, Bubba Ray shot me a glare that would have scared Andre the Giant. I think he was upset that I took his picture without buying anything. Sorry Bubba.

crop dudleys

I bought a cool Chiller T-shirt and some old paperbacks, and generally had a great time. There was a guy walking around in the creepiest scarecrow costume I’ve seen, and I have no idea if he paid to get in or just walked in like he belonged there. I wouldn’t ask him for a ticket if I was at the desk.

crop scarecrow

I’m already looking forward to October.

Fun With Teh Internets… Again

18 Jun

June 18, 2012

I’ve never been able to grow decent facial hair. Instead of a beard, the best I could do was a little scraggly beardling. And don’t get Mr. Blog started on my weak attempt of a moustache unless you want to hear hours of laughter.  (It’s true. The time a piece of broccoli got stuck to his face looked better- Mr. BTR) So while I may be clean-shaven now, it won’t stop me from trawling the net to find the best examples of….

Most modern molestache debates center on who rocked the classiest one:

John Waters (the choice of the avant-garde)

C’mon, you just know there is some strange stuff in the trunk of his car.


David Niven (pick of the molestache traditionalist)

Best David Niven film? Murder by Death. You cannot argue, don’t even try.

 No matter which camp you fall into, I think we can all agree that it’s none of these guys:


It’s John Waters’ slightly asthmatic and much less charismatic cousin Rupert!


Mr. BTR thinks that is Keifer Sutherland on a bad day, circa Lost Boys.

Taken just before some underage girl’s father knocked him out. Tip: When bringing  daddy’s little 14 yr. old home at 3AM, never use beer as a peace-offering.


All that dramatic pose does is accentuate the douche-tache.

Trust him, he’s a blood donor! Trust me, I’d rather bleed out!



And the #1 MOLESTACHE picture is……….


HA! You’ve been Rickrolled!


Sorry, I’m just really obsessed with this guy.  The real #1 molestache is:

Look, don’t blame me, ok?  It came up in the search. But the amazing thing is that I understand that his chest and….er, beer gut hair grew in that way naturally!

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