Tag Archives: New York

Michael Jackson vs. Russell Crowe: This Is Real

4 Apr

April 4, 2015

Russell Crowe: Hollywood A-list actor best known for his crankiness.

Michael Jackson: Music superstar best known for, well, you know.

I am not making this one up. Russell Crowe may be making this one up, but I am in no position to challenge him. (And if I were, I still wouldn’t do it. I am not crazy.)

According to Crowe, he was the victim of prank calls for years, all perpetrated by Michael Jackson. I’ll let the New York Post (our motto: “Sure, whatever, we’ll print it.”) take it from here:

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The only thing in that article that raises a suspicious note is that Michael used “a strong voice.” I imagine that even your average castrati could muster a stronger voice than Michael Jackson.

“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? OOOOH! Just kidding, this is Michael!”

Am I the only one who imagines Russell Crowe acting just like Moe from the Simpsons? “Listen up Michael, when I catch up to you I’m going to rip your lungs out of your anus!” Then he pulls the phone out of the wall and throws it out the window.

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However, I am happy to say that the story gets even better from here. I’ll let the New York Daily News (our motto: “buy us for our pretty ads.”) continue:

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Russell Crowe has just jumped to the top of the list of people I’d like to have dinner with. This guy has all the best stories.

I really want to know what his fake name was. It couldn’t have been “Mr. Big Pants.” That’s me.

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Apartment Hunting Nightmare #2: The Missing Room

17 Mar

March 17, 2015

You are looking for: A three room, one bedroom apartment. Close to the subway a must.

Picture this: Your real estate agent has just what you are looking for. Meet him at 3:00 to see the apartment. You get there and the nearest train is a couple of miles away. There is no street parking in front of the house, which is along a highway exit ramp. The building it is in has rusty children’s toys in front. This is in no way suitable, but the agent asks to you to see the apartment anyway as he made the appointment and does not want to break his word to the owner. (Of course, he has broken his word to you.) You go upstairs and see: One large kitchen, one tiny bedroom, and a bathroom. This is not a three room apartment. The owner claims that yes it is, counting the bathroom. You leave. And you never did find out what lies behind the padlocked door in the kitchen, which seemed to be set into the outside wall of this second story apartment yet was not visible from the street.

True story.

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