Tag Archives: Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson vs. Russell Crowe: This Is Real

4 Apr

April 4, 2015

Russell Crowe: Hollywood A-list actor best known for his crankiness.

Michael Jackson: Music superstar best known for, well, you know.

I am not making this one up. Russell Crowe may be making this one up, but I am in no position to challenge him. (And if I were, I still wouldn’t do it. I am not crazy.)

According to Crowe, he was the victim of prank calls for years, all perpetrated by Michael Jackson. I’ll let the New York Post (our motto: “Sure, whatever, we’ll print it.”) take it from here:


The only thing in that article that raises a suspicious note is that Michael used “a strong voice.” I imagine that even your average castrati could muster a stronger voice than Michael Jackson.

“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? OOOOH! Just kidding, this is Michael!”

Am I the only one who imagines Russell Crowe acting just like Moe from the Simpsons? “Listen up Michael, when I catch up to you I’m going to rip your lungs out of your anus!” Then he pulls the phone out of the wall and throws it out the window.


However, I am happy to say that the story gets even better from here. I’ll let the New York Daily News (our motto: “buy us for our pretty ads.”) continue:


Russell Crowe has just jumped to the top of the list of people I’d like to have dinner with. This guy has all the best stories.

I really want to know what his fake name was. It couldn’t have been “Mr. Big Pants.” That’s me.

Imponderable #68: Whatever Dimension Jermaine Jackson Lives In

9 Nov

November 9, 2012

Remember Jermaine Jackson’s big solo hit, um, whatever? I looked it up on wikipeida and he actually did some solo stuff, and some it seemed fairly popular, but c’mon- it’s Jermaine. He’s so useless that he’s the Tito of the Jackson Family. I could have looked him up on YouTube but I hate it when websites laugh at me.

So before we get to the Imponderable, a bit of background.
Jermaine Jackson was born Jermaine LaJuane Jackson. Yep, read it again, “Jermaine LaJuane.” Who says that Joe Jackson didn’t have a sense of humor?
At some point he converted to Islam and changed his name to Mohammad Abdul Aziz.
At this point he seems to go by both, but soon, perhaps, neither.

And now the Imponderable.

Would “Jacksonn” have been cooler? And what about “Jaxon”? For some street cred, he could have gone for “Jaxxxon” and maybe spun a whole new career out of it, because being Jermaine Jackson doesn’t seem to be much of a career anymore, and not for a long time. Given the way the Jackson family is lining up to tear some shreds out of Michael Jackson’s fortune, I get the feeling that some of them (I’m looking at you, Rebbie) may have been pressing the soap slivers together for a long time.

Is Jermaine trying to dodge a process-server?
The question is Imponderable.

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