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Tag Archives: prank calls

Michael Jackson vs. Russell Crowe: This Is Real

4 Apr

April 4, 2015

Russell Crowe: Hollywood A-list actor best known for his crankiness.

Michael Jackson: Music superstar best known for, well, you know.

I am not making this one up. Russell Crowe may be making this one up, but I am in no position to challenge him. (And if I were, I still wouldn’t do it. I am not crazy.)

According to Crowe, he was the victim of prank calls for years, all perpetrated by Michael Jackson. I’ll let the New York Post (our motto: “Sure, whatever, we’ll print it.”) take it from here:

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The only thing in that article that raises a suspicious note is that Michael used “a strong voice.” I imagine that even your average castrati could muster a stronger voice than Michael Jackson.

“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? OOOOH! Just kidding, this is Michael!”

Am I the only one who imagines Russell Crowe acting just like Moe from the Simpsons? “Listen up Michael, when I catch up to you I’m going to rip your lungs out of your anus!” Then he pulls the phone out of the wall and throws it out the window.

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However, I am happy to say that the story gets even better from here. I’ll let the New York Daily News (our motto: “buy us for our pretty ads.”) continue:

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Russell Crowe has just jumped to the top of the list of people I’d like to have dinner with. This guy has all the best stories.

I really want to know what his fake name was. It couldn’t have been “Mr. Big Pants.” That’s me.

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John Newly Is Taking Calls (Lying Awake #7)

18 Mar

March 18, 2015

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– Ed from Michigan, you’re next on Lying Awake.

– John?

-Go ahead Ed, I’m listening.

– BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY STERN RULES BAB-*

– Hmm, Ed seemed to be talking in tongues. I wonder if he was possessed. Next up, Brad from New York. Hi Brad, how are you tonight?

– Uh, I’m ok. Um, I’ve got a question for John.

– I’m John, go ahead with your question.

– Well, what I want to know is, why don’t you stick your head up a dead bear’s -*

– Whoa, whoa. Eddie, who’s screening tonight? That’s Fast Eddie, my producer I’m talking to. No one?

(inaudible, off mic.)

– Seriously? Art used to do unscreened open lines all the time? Really?

(inaudible, off mic.)

– Alright, we have time for one more call before the break. Bob, from Bowie Maryland, you’re on Lying Awake.

– BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY HOWARD STERN!

– Sigh, we’ll be right back after these words from all natural herbal formic acid remedies.

– STERN RULES!

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