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Imponderable #128: I Can’t Remember

27 Feb

February 27, 2016

Today’s Imponderable comes from the world of news radio. This was heard on the venerable 1010 WINS of New York.

memory

This is a legitimate story about research that shows that losing weight is linked to an improvement in memory. That’s all well and good, but a little research of my own brought me to articles as old as 2011, leading me to wonder what 1010 WINS defines as “breaking news.” I expect them to break in with a special report on the capture of the Unibomber any time now.

But my real problem isn’t with the news, it is on the reporting. They quoted unnamed “researchers” as saying

“how can people lose weight if they don’t remember that they’ve eaten?”

At this point, I would like tell you the totally true fact that about seven years ago I looked into getting a job at 1010 WINS as a news writer and I was told that not only were there no openings, they only had one writer. I know I could have done a much better job than the guy who wrote this story.

Is weight gain due to the fact that people simply forget that they’ve eaten? Is that why I ate two Thanksgiving dinners last year, I simply forgot the first meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy so I had a second one because I was worried that I hadn’t had dinner yet? And that must explain why I binge ate a whole bag of Oreos last week. After I ate each cookie, I simply forgot that I ate it, so by the time I got to the end of the bag I was convinced that I only ate one cookie and was totally flummoxed about how a brand new bag could be empty after only one Oreo.

Is being overweight simply due to “food amnesia”?
No.

Does 1010 WINS have a clue about reporting?
The question is Imponderable.

And yes, I am totally coining the phrase “food amnesia.”

 

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Dear McDonald’s Corporation

22 Feb

February 22, 2016

TO: Director of Operations, McDonald’s Corporation <DirectOps@McD.chzbrg>

FROM: Bruin Z. Othello <BigDaddyBruin@cheapohost.com>

RE: Business Opportunity

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a third year film student at Millburn University. As such, I am in a unique positon to offer you my services. I am interested in obtaining your financing to produce my documentary “Mayor McCheese: Civil Servant on a Bun.”

I propose to delve into the little-known history of the iconic Mayor and beloved burger shill. This documentary will answer the questions the public has about Mayor McCheese. What are his duties as Mayor of McDonaldland? What do his constituents think of him? Where did they find a grill big enough to cook his head?

I envision this filmed in a stark black and white first-person style, similar to my freshman production “Burger King: Whatever Happened to the Whaler?” All I require from you is the financing to buy film, equipment, assistants, and miscellaneous expenses.

Together, we can make this film a reality. Mayor McCheese has been in the public eye for many years, and now we can shine a light on this public personality’s private background.

Thank You

Bruin Z. Othello

McDonaldland's first three-term Mayor!

McDonaldland’s first three-term Mayor!