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Not-So-Imponderable #1: The [CENSORED] From China

29 Jun

June 29, 2014

Before we begin, a notice from The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride:

nsfw

I often get on Japan for being, let’s face it, totally weird. Sexbots, sexbots, sexbots everywhere! Now before you hop on a jet to the Land of The Rising C-, no, no I won’t go there, beware! The following product was invented across the sea in China.

TADA!

Hey, baby. Come here often?

Hey, baby. Come here often?

This, ladies and gentlemen (but mostly gentlemen), is the world’s first fully automatic hands free sperm extractor.

Or as I call it, the Roboblow. And yes, it does just what you think it does.

The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.
The reason this is not an Imponderable is that this was inevitable. Sure so far it is only installed in hospitals, but can you think of a better machine to put in a bar? This will totally change the dating scene forever.

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Local Single Guy Seeks Followers. Object: Pathos

13 Jun

June 13, 2014

I’ve been using my Twitter account lately to post some Onion-style headlines featuring the local single guy. Let me be clear on this- This is not me and is not based on me. I am happily involved with my fantasy dwarf RPG.

Here are the first few tweets.

lsg1

Sad, so sad. Poor guy has no idea how sad his life is. Poor guy also has no idea how I uncreatively used “sad” three times in the previous sentence. That’s pretty sad too.

lsg2

OK, well, I do admit that I’ve had cold pizza more than once in my life. But there’s nothing wrong with that! I like cold pizza!

lsg3

Local single guy also thinks Madea is pretty hot. I don’t have the heart to tell him that it is Tyler Perry in drag.

You can follow me and see more than just the same ol’ same ol’ @bmj2k, or just find the Twitter feed somewhere on the sidebar to the right.