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The Saturday Comics: Superman’s Greatest Weakness!

16 Mar

March 16, 2016

cropped-sat-com-logo.jpg

Superman! Defender of Truth, Justice, and the American Way!
Superman! Last Son of Krypton!
Superman! Powerless Against the Giant Sequoia Tree!

Wait, what? Superman is powerless against kryptonite, right? What’s this nonsense about trees? Check out this page from Justice League of America 29. This is the JLA’s first battle against the Crime Syndicate, an evil version of the Justice League from Earth 3. Here, Superman is in pitched battle against Power Ring, the unimaginatively-named evil Green Lantern.

Seriously, that's just a tree. Even Charlie Brown did better against the Kite-Eating Tree.

Seriously, that’s just a tree. Even Charlie Brown did better against the Kite-Eating Tree.

The sticky tree shavings stuck to Supes and did who-knows-what but it caused him to lose the power of flight and fall to the ground. Yeah. Well kiddies, that was the Silver Age for you.

I will go out on a limb (HA! Pun intended!) and say that since Supes is vulnerable to magic, and it says that Power Ring has a mystic ring (sheesh, they really needed to come up with a better name), then those must be magic wood shavings.

The magic wood shavings stuck to Supes and, instead of just getting him all sticky with sap, they drained his ability to fly. Ok, sure, why not?
I’ll tell you why not. Because they did not affect his super power to create a vacuum with his super suction, that’s why not. I call shenanigans on this comic book.

However, I will not even try to explain this panel from Justice League of America 21, where the bad guys sit around and discuss fiddling around with vibrators.

Justice League 21

 

 

 

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Here’s Why I Won’t See The New Fantastic Four Movie

28 Jul

July 28, 2015

LNMH FF

I already have ridiculously low expectations for the new Fantastic Four movie. The odds are against it. There have already been three lousy FF films, why should this be any better? And that’s pretty sad for me because the Fantastic Four is- hands down- my favorite Marvel title. I own every issue of the series on CD ROM. I have collections, collections, and more FF collections on my book shelves. The Thing is my favorite comic book character, beating out this blog’s perennial favorite superhero subject, Superman. But despite having seen superhero films about groups I barely pay any attention to (Guardians of the Galaxy) I will not see this film.

Why?

Because the Thing has no pants.

This is no joke on the expression “the Emperor has no clothes,” Ben Grimm is literally pantsless and naked in the movie.

FF Thing 2

I am not going to go into some geek explanation of how he’s not really made of rocks, his skin is tough and thick and rocklike so he has every biological attachment he should. I’m not going to even ask how he goes to the bathroom. No, my one and only problem is how stupid it looks.

FF Thing

If the filmmakers are going to make such a basic, dumb decision, and have their main character walk around like that, apparently neutered, then who knows what other stupid decisions they made.

Even in Watchmen, when Dr. Manhattan walked around naked, he was biologically correct.

This is a family blog!

This is a family blog!

So make any jokes you like about how Ben Grimm has been shortchanged, or how there’s no Giant-Sized Man-Thing here. I am not going to spend money to see what other stupid decisions they made.

Sheesh. All they had to do was give him a pair of shorts.

It's enough to make Jack Kirby cry.

It’s enough to make Jack Kirby cry.

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