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I Entered The Dragon’s Lair

30 Apr

April 30, 2023

This blog is based on a memory triggered by the Facebook post from a good friend of mine, Chris.

When I was a kid, maybe eight or nine years old, I lived in an apartment building. It was the only apartment building on the block, the rest of the homes being two- or four-family homes. And they all had garages.

The house immediately next to my building was occupied by a man known as The Garbage Picker. This was no local legend or childhood fantasy, the man was often seen by me, by adults, by children, by whoever was around on garbage day, not just rummaging through the garbage on the curb for pickup, but hauling unopened bags into his garage, presumably to be gone through later.

I lived in a six-story building, so you can imagine the mountain of garbage the super would put out.

The Garbage Picker was the subject of speculation among us kids. First of all, we just took for granted that he was nuts. Second of all, though we never saw one, we assumed that his garage was full of rats. The Garbage Picker was a fairly normal-looking middle-aged man. His clothes were not new but not shabby, and not the rags you’d expect a garbage picker to be dressed in.

We never assumed he was wearing clothes from the garbage, and never had any idea what he did with the trash. The Garbage Picker left his house and left for work (as far as we know he went to work) and came home in the early evening. In every other way he seemed normal. Just a normal guy who picked through our trash and hauled unopened bags of garbage into his garage.

We never spoke to him and he never paid attention to us. He didn’t try to hide his activities. He didn’t care if anyone saw him. And we never saw him with or talking to anyone else.

Nope, not this kind of garbage picker.

One day we were playing outside and one of us saw that The Garbage Picker had left his garage door open. He had hauled some trash into his garage, left the garage door open, went back into his house and never came back out.

The garage was set at the end of a driveway and behind the house, so technically we were trespassing. We were a little afraid- after all, we thought the guy was nuts- but it didn’t stop about five of us from going into the garage.

Actually, what stopped us from going into the garage was the garage. You couldn’t go in. It was full. Once you stepped over the threshold there was about two feet and then the trash was piled up, in some case to the celling. It was mostly loose trash just piled randomly all over but there were dozens of unopened bags in the pile too. There was no organization, no sense at all. It was literally just garbage thrown into the garage the same way you see garbage piled up at the dump. And it occupied nearly every square foot of the garage.

If there was anything in the back of the garage it was inaccessible. If there was anything hung on a wall you couldn’t’ see it, let alone get to it. All you could see was what was right in front of your face, and given a few more weeks that would all be blocked by new trash. And at that point there would not be single square foot of space left. the garbage almost hit the ceiling in most places.

We were stunned, we were amazed, we dove right in, rats or no rats. It was like trashy Christmas for us. I found plenty of things my parents had thrown out and I wanted them back. My Bo Duke figure with the missing legs? How could Mom throw that out? Every kid there found some old treasure that had been tossed away and now they wanted to take back. Sometimes they found some other kid’s treasure thrown away by some other parent. Too bad, finder’s keepers. Plenty of broken old toys and games with missing pieces were liberated from that garage.

I don’t want to give the impression that The Garbage Picker’s garage was loaded with fun and games. There was plenty of legitimate “garbage,” as I called it then, or “shit” as I more accurately call it now: Broken furniture, unidentifiable pieces of plastic, stained underwear, food scraps, and actual shit- dirty diapers. Like I said, he hauled in full and unopened garbage bags, and no matter what was in it, no matter how bad it smelled, or leaked, or had sharp things sticking out, into the garage it went. But we were kids, and kids don’t care about weird smells or dirt or danger of infection from sharp sticks poking through dirty diapers.

It went on for only a few minutes, and we never did see a rat, although looking back there just had be a family in there, but it came to an end once The Garbage Picker came our of his house and started yelling at us. We ran off with whatever could fit in our pockets. then some adults came out of the house and started yelling at The Garbage Picker, and I can’t say for sure what happened, but within the week the garage was empty and I do not recall ever seeing The Garbage Picker again.

Later that day, I realized that the treasures I saved from the garage really were just trash and I threw them out once again.

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The Office Continued

27 Aug

August 27, 2022

Full Disclosure: The following is an actual dream I had, told almost exactly as it happened. The only edit I am making is that at one point in the dream, I became a character but I am leaving myself out. My addition in the story did not change the narrative at all, so nothing is missing.

This was a very vivid dream, and in it, I was watching a new television show, a continuation of The Office. In fact, in my dream, I could see the outline of the television screen around the action. There was one part of the dream where something shocking happened (you’ll read it below) and I said, audibly “Holy f**king shit!” so loudly I partially woke myself up.

The dream wasn’t completely in order and I won’t change the way the dream happened, but it does give a complete, though unfinished, narrative of my dream version of the return of The Office. You’ll notice that certain characters are missing, and I am certain that had my dream continued for more “episodes,” more would have been introduced.

The episode begins about five years after the end of the series and ignores much of what happens there. Dunder Mifflin is now based in lower Manhattan (the area between the S.I. ferry terminal and South Street Seaport, if you know lower Manhattan.) They are on the first floor of a building and have a large glass window looking out onto the street.

Something ominous is happening. Outside the window people are rushing about, not in a panic, but with a sense of urgency. The Dunder Mifflin staff are going to the basement for protection from whatever is going on outside. (Oscar and Meredith can be seen going down the stairs in the background.) However, David Wallace walks into frame and stands silhouetted against the windows. To no one in particular, he says “I need to be out there.” and prepares to go outside.

Jim Halpert grabs his jacket and tells him he can’t go out there. Wallace shakes him off but refuses to be stopped. He goes outside and Jim runs behind him, begging him to come back inside and still trying to grab him. Wallace and Jim walk down the block, still arguing. The documentary crew refuses to go outside and instead films them from the office entrance. As Jim and Wallace reach the street corner, the situation outside, still unexplained, seems to get worse and people huddle for cover. Through a crowd, the documentary crew manages to film a glimpse of Jim and Wallace as they duck inside a building.

Then the building collapses on them.

The next scene in my dream takes place five years after the deaths of Jim and Wallace. A caption on the screen places the action in South America. Pam is sitting behind a large desk in a large and expensive office, though it is barren of personal decorations. She is busy talking on a phone, with another ringing on the desk. Dunder Mifflin is now a newspaper, employing hundreds of employees, and is dedicated to finding out what was behind the event that happened back in New York. Pam is the boss.

The next scene, which is out of order, is set in the aftermath of the first scene, Pam, her children, now older than when last seen on The Office, and other cast members (Phyllis, Oscar, Creed) are in the main room of Dunder Mifflin, at their desks, in shock, processing the whole tragedy, in particular the deaths of Wallace and Jim. Sitting between Pam and her kids, unseen, is the ghostly form of Jim, looking horribly mangled, and if there was any doubt he was really dead, this settles it.

The next scene takes place later, and in Los Angeles. Darryl, bearded, is angrily talking to Roy on a street corned across from a very modern office building where Dunder Mifflin is now located. Darryl angrily, but choosing his words carefully, tells Roy that if he’s allowed back at Dunder Mifflin he’ll have to change his ways and toe the line. Also standing there is Dwight, bearded and in a flannel shirt, looking nothing like he used to and exuding confidence. He’s also been away from Dunder Mifflin and has become a very successful investigative reporter, although his methods have been questionable. Dwight takes it all in with a grain of salt and a superior grin.

A ghostly Jim is there, looking at Dwight with a smile. Jim looks normal and not gruesome now.

The following scene is brief, at Jim and Wallace’s memorial service, where some mourners faint from grief.

Still Los Angeles, Kevin is looking for Angela. L.A. has had some changes, including a modern monorail system that stops right at a hospital entrance, on the third floor. At the desk, he finds her registered under the last name Martin, although she had married Dwight and become Angela Schrute at the end of the series. The security guard gives him a paper with a very South American sounding name on it and directs Kevin down the hall.

As Kevin is pondering the odd name, he comes to the area to which he was directed, and on the wall is a plaque with the South American name, declaring it to be dedicated to those who died in the Spanish-American War. It is an open ward, with a nurse’s station and four or six beds. Angela is walking around the ward wearing a robe, speaking to no one, looking straight ahead. She does not acknowledge Kevin.

As Oscar watches Angela, he wonders who is paying her hospital bills, and then realizes that it must be Oscar, who is somehow now very wealthy.

Angela walks over to one of the hospital beds and uses the controls to lift it about four feet in the air. She looks at a young patient who is also in the ward, and asks him if he minds. “No,” he replies, with a look on his face that shows that he has been through this with her before.

And that is where I woke up.

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