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FUN WITH TEH INTERNETS

11 Jun

June 11, 2012

(That’s not a typo.)

Allan Keyes begins a regular gig (with a snazzy logo) today.

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Sometimes I just like to google weird things to see what images come up.  I almost always get……interesting results. Some of these I felt were worth sharing with you good people.

TODAY’S SEARCH:
FAT+ GUY+ COSPLAY

Top Five Images Found:

5:

Lemul S. Jackson

This guy isn’t bad per se, and I’m sure he’s a big hit with all the chicks at Shaft Nite at the local Fuddruckers, but come on man! Nick Fury? DUDE……this guy is more like Lemuel S. Jackson than Samuel L. Jackson. FATVENGERS, ASSEMBLE……AT THE BUFFET!

 4:

Autobots! Transform into something to hide my shame!

 If this guy is Prime, I really don’t want to see what Megatron looks like.

3:

 It’s Sailor Moo! But I gotta give him his (her?) props. Not everyone can carry off a phallic pink penile sword with that much panache

2:

For the love of God, do not look below the waist. That’s just wrong.

 I apologize for subjecting you to this guy’s gut of fury.  But you can thank me for not showing you this guy from the back!

 And the absolute runaway #1 image for searching FAT+GUY+COSPLAY:

 

MO VAUGHN HAS REALLY LET HIMSELF GO…..remember this pic taken in happier days, when Big Mo would go on to become of the biggest busts in Mets history (and yes, pun VERY intended)
 

 Got a search suggestion? Send it in!

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Allan Keyes Is On The Toilet

30 May

May 30, 2012

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride has a long history of toilet-related posts:

No Toilet No Bride
Priorities First
Imponderable #34
The American Restroom Association
A New York Legend 3

That’s just a few. And don’t get me started on Mr. Know-It-All. His posts started and ended in the toilet.

It must run in the family, because here is Mr. Blog’s brother, Allan Keyes, reporting on some curious Japanese plumbing.

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Of all the high-tech gadgetry I saw in Tokyo, perhaps the one that stays with me the most was the toilet in the first hotel I stayed in.  It really was kind of amazing. First of all, the actual toilet was separated off in a small room away from the actual wash room. Ok, fair enough I suppose. When I opened the door to the toilet, three things happened simultaneously:

1)      The light automatically came on
2)      Water in the toilet started to run
3)      The lid of the bowl popped open invitingly.

 Seriously. That toilet was giving me a “come give me what I need big boy” kind of vibe. But I had my fun with it- I got so that by opening and closing the toilet room door rapidly, I was able to manipulate the lid into basically singing along with the radio (and the flashing room light was just like a strobe!)

But here’s the thing that I still can’t wrap my head around – the control panel. Yes, that’s correct – the control panel. What kind of toilet needs a control panel?  One that features this:

Heated toilet seat
Three levels of flush intensity
“Massaging seat” (!)
Deodorant
Bidet

Here’s the control set:                       

 Compare this to my Xbox controller:

 

MY TOILET WAS MORE COMPLICATED THAN MY XBOX.

But then again, my Xbox never really heated my ass either.  At least not willingly.

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