Archive | August, 2021

The Applicant

28 Aug

August 28, 2021

You think your problem is that your sink is backed up, but maybe all you really need is a back massage.
Garbage cans full? A relaxing bath may be in order.
Graffiti on your billboard? Aromatherapy.

My company is hiring, and we are getting a lot of candidates. Here’s a resume that really stood out:

I AM EXTENSIVELY EXPERIENCED IN PORTER, MAINTENANCE POSITIONS FOR 6 YEARS, ALSO WITH A 2 YEAR EXPERIENCE IN MASSAGE THERAPY. I HAVE WENT TO STRIVE FOR MY GPRO CERTIFICATION IN FUNDAMENTALS OF BUILDING GREEN AND OPERATION ESSENTIALS ALSO IN MY CAREER PATH ACHIEVING MY EXTENDED PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE THERAPY DIPLOMA. I HAVE WORKED GREAT WITH OTHER AND CUSTOMERS IN MY CUSTOMER SERVICE AND MY ABILITY TO BE TO BE BILINGUAL IN BOTH ENGLISH AND SPANISH I HAVE RECEIVED ACHIEVEMENTS IN MASSAGE THERAPY LIKE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH TWICE IN A ROW ALSO TWO BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE AWARDS, ALSO IN PORTER I WAS RECEIVED THE PROMOTION OF SUPERVISOR POSITION FOR MY GOOD LEADERSHIP SKILLS AND CONNECTING WITH THE WORKERS MAKING ALL JOBS WELL DONE.

I have no doubt this may be the best massaging porter out there, but we advertised for investigators.

Great Moments In Comic Book History: Darkhawk #27 (Marvel, May 1993)

16 Aug

August 16, 2021

With Marvel relaunching 90’s hero Darkhawk, I thought it was a good opportunity to revisit an issue of his first series, from 1993.

Darkhawk issue 27 is a team-up with the New Warriors, themselves a team created in the boom-era 1990’s. This is the second part of a storyline called Shattered Fates, in which Zarrko, a bald, paunchy time-traveling villain who is inexplicably dressed in the same green jumpsuit Dr. Octopus wears, has offered the heroes to go back in time and fix some wrong of their choosing in exchange for helping him in some vague plan of his to save the future.

Zarrko is a time traveler, much like Kang the Conqueror (who also wears green. Hmmm…) He is attended by his fearsome thug, Servitor. How fearsome is he? Check this out.

That slice of pizza never stood a chance.

What better way to show your power, your awesome might, to intimidate your opponents and forestall all defiance than to vaporize a slice of cold pizza that has displeased your master?

This is why Kang is the baddie of the next wave of the MCU and not Zarrko.

Darkhawk 27 was written by Danny Fingeroth, penciled by Tod Smith, inked by Chris Ivy, colored by Troy Sayers, and lettered by Bill Oakley. Pizza by Original Rays Pizza.

And as a side note, look how awed the heroes are in the last panel. I bet The Avengers would not have been one bit impressed.

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