The Applicant

28 Aug

August 28, 2021

You think your problem is that your sink is backed up, but maybe all you really need is a back massage.
Garbage cans full? A relaxing bath may be in order.
Graffiti on your billboard? Aromatherapy.

My company is hiring, and we are getting a lot of candidates. Here’s a resume that really stood out:

I AM EXTENSIVELY EXPERIENCED IN PORTER, MAINTENANCE POSITIONS FOR 6 YEARS, ALSO WITH A 2 YEAR EXPERIENCE IN MASSAGE THERAPY. I HAVE WENT TO STRIVE FOR MY GPRO CERTIFICATION IN FUNDAMENTALS OF BUILDING GREEN AND OPERATION ESSENTIALS ALSO IN MY CAREER PATH ACHIEVING MY EXTENDED PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE THERAPY DIPLOMA. I HAVE WORKED GREAT WITH OTHER AND CUSTOMERS IN MY CUSTOMER SERVICE AND MY ABILITY TO BE TO BE BILINGUAL IN BOTH ENGLISH AND SPANISH I HAVE RECEIVED ACHIEVEMENTS IN MASSAGE THERAPY LIKE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH TWICE IN A ROW ALSO TWO BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE AWARDS, ALSO IN PORTER I WAS RECEIVED THE PROMOTION OF SUPERVISOR POSITION FOR MY GOOD LEADERSHIP SKILLS AND CONNECTING WITH THE WORKERS MAKING ALL JOBS WELL DONE.

I have no doubt this may be the best massaging porter out there, but we advertised for investigators.

8 Responses to “The Applicant”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT August 28, 2021 at 11:19 pm #

    I’m going to apply, too, and write about “MY ABILITY TO BE TO BE BILINGUAL IN BOTH ENGLISH AND ITALIAN”. I’m sure that for your company the fact that I’m not an investigator and live in a different continent won’t be a problem. I’m not very good with massages, though… but I can learn 🙂

    Like

    • bmj2k August 29, 2021 at 1:23 pm #

      I am very impressed because I can only be bilingual in English

      Like

      • Mac of BIOnighT August 29, 2021 at 2:54 pm #

        And yet they hired you, so you must be good at aromatherapy and giving massages 🙂

        Like

        • bmj2k September 2, 2021 at 12:48 pm #

          Skills I learned as a former White House intern.

          Like

  2. T E Stazyk September 2, 2021 at 10:53 pm #

    Hope you are OK!!

    Like

    • bmj2k September 3, 2021 at 11:23 pm #

      Oh yeah, just learning to laugh through the tears.

      Like

      • T E Stazyk September 4, 2021 at 12:00 am #

        We saw some of the pictures down here–really scary. Hope you weren’t on a subway train!

        Like

        • bmj2k September 4, 2021 at 12:05 am #

          I was indoors the entire day, as was the rest of my family. My new apartment doesn’t have a great view so while I knew the rain was bad I really didn’t have any idea of the scope until I saw the news the next day.

          Like

Have something to say? Let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: