January 22, 2014
We had another one of those polar-vortex/bombogenesis things today, just like they had in the good ol’ days when they called these things what they are: snowstorms.
As a public service, I took to Facebook to give updates and helpful tips to the masses.
7 am: The snow is coming today.
Tip #1- In Brooklyn, it is acceptable to decorate your snowman with empty cans of motor oil and cigarette butts.
9 am: It is snowing out.
Tip #2: If you stand outside and try to catch a snowflake on your tongue, you may also catch a dog peeing on your leg.
12 pm: The snow is getting harder.
Tip #3: Your local McDonald’s now has 14 homeless guys sitting around the play area.
1:30 pm: The snow is getting deeper.
Tip #4: Deep snow can cover a lot of dog poop, so step carefully
5 pm: The snow is going to continue all night.
Tip#5: It’ll be dark out. Turn on some lights.
8 pm: The snow continues.
Tip #6: So does Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We all have our personal Hells.
If I saved just one life it will have been worth it.