Fun With Teh Internets… Again

18 Jun

June 18, 2012

I’ve never been able to grow decent facial hair. Instead of a beard, the best I could do was a little scraggly beardling. And don’t get Mr. Blog started on my weak attempt of a moustache unless you want to hear hours of laughter.  (It’s true. The time a piece of broccoli got stuck to his face looked better- Mr. BTR) So while I may be clean-shaven now, it won’t stop me from trawling the net to find the best examples of….

Most modern molestache debates center on who rocked the classiest one:

John Waters (the choice of the avant-garde)

C’mon, you just know there is some strange stuff in the trunk of his car.


David Niven (pick of the molestache traditionalist)

Best David Niven film? Murder by Death. You cannot argue, don’t even try.

 No matter which camp you fall into, I think we can all agree that it’s none of these guys:


It’s John Waters’ slightly asthmatic and much less charismatic cousin Rupert!


Mr. BTR thinks that is Keifer Sutherland on a bad day, circa Lost Boys.

Taken just before some underage girl’s father knocked him out. Tip: When bringing  daddy’s little 14 yr. old home at 3AM, never use beer as a peace-offering.


All that dramatic pose does is accentuate the douche-tache.

Trust him, he’s a blood donor! Trust me, I’d rather bleed out!



And the #1 MOLESTACHE picture is……….


HA! You’ve been Rickrolled!


Sorry, I’m just really obsessed with this guy.  The real #1 molestache is:

Look, don’t blame me, ok?  It came up in the search. But the amazing thing is that I understand that his chest and….er, beer gut hair grew in that way naturally!

11 Responses to “Fun With Teh Internets… Again”

  1. zathra June 18, 2012 at 12:47 am #

    I had to start shaving when I was 13 – 14 years old. Not a molestache, not a mustache. The combination of acne & facial hair is not often a very happy one. I now sport a hipster / beatnik goatee, probably not unlike a follower of Kerouac in the 50’s.
    For some reason, pencil – thin moustaches make one look somewhat arrogant, just IMO.


    • bmj2k June 18, 2012 at 1:14 am #

      There was an era where they worked: think Errol Flynn.


      • zathra June 18, 2012 at 4:43 am #

        Wasn’t Walt Disney’s like that ? I kind of forget what his looked like.


        • bmj2k June 18, 2012 at 6:27 am #

          Seems like his was generally a bit thicker.


          • zathra June 18, 2012 at 6:46 am #

            I envy any guy who can cultivate his facial hair to convey the image of a suave sophisticated old – school gentleman. If I don’t keep mine properly manscaped I go from beatnik / Maynard J. Krebs to looking like The Wolfman’s grandson or an out – of – work Viking. 😉


        • allenkeyes June 20, 2012 at 12:33 am #

          Walt Disney? I believed he rocked the “antisemitestache”


          • bmj2k June 20, 2012 at 12:53 am #

            Allan wins the thread.


          • zathra June 20, 2012 at 1:14 am #

            He should’ve made his look a little more rectangular, then…..
            Hmm….. That explains why Unca Walt wouldn’t hire Harlan Ellison.


  2. Thomas Stazyk June 18, 2012 at 3:24 am #

    These pictures, when considered as a montage, say something disturbing about the human race. Like what’s with the heart shaped chest hair? What is the guy’s point?

    Don’t forget Clark Gable and Zorro for some good moustaches. But to me, the greatest facial hair to be seen appears in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.


    • bmj2k June 18, 2012 at 6:29 am #

      Lee Van Cleef?


      • Thomas Stazyk June 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

        Yah, especially him, but even some of the minor characters had some great ‘staches and sideburns.


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