Tag Archives: Quinn Martin

Mr. Blog Remembers Abe Vigoda

27 Jan

January 27, 2016

Today, the world mourns the loss of Abe Vigoda. It is our great honor, in this time of sadness, to induct him into Mr. Blog’s Hall of Fame. We will forever remember this icon.Vigoda plaque
Mr. Blog had actually met Mr. Vigoda, and in his honor, the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride present this Classic Repost from 2010. This was the penultimate round of Mr. BTR’s contest to determine the best role model of the 1970’s. In round one, Esther Rolle (Florida Evans from Good Times) beat Mabel King (Momma from What’s Happening?). In the second round, Jack Alberston (The Man from Chico and The Man) knocked out Robert Hegyes (Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter). Round three came down to The Battle of The Lawmen. Please enjoy!

From January 8, 2010

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

Round two was a hard-fought battle of the unlikely, with “The Man” coming out of retirement to win a Charo-fueled win over Sweat Hog Juan Epstein. What did it prove? Sadly, that “The Man” can still keep a Latino down. (Just ask anyone whose bank turned them down for a loan.)

Round Three
“Battle of the Lawmen”

BARNABY JONES VS. BARNEY MILLER’S FISH          

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Barnaby Jones was a Quinn Martin production. Quinn Martin was a prolific TV producer who had the idea to cast an old man in a detective show. Unfortunately, the actor was a bit too old, as evidenced by the picture above, where Barnaby is not quite sure which is the phone and which is the gun. In the picture below, a gun-wielding thug has almost talked Barnaby into buying into his time-share.

The casting of the lead role was controversial from the start. Quinn Martin wanted an established television star for the role. After a long and deliberate casting process, he settled on this man, currently starring in the autobiographical Beverly Hillbillies:

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It was never explained just how Barnaby made the jump from hillbilly to cop, but in a strange twist, both of this round’s contestants served together in an elite peace-keeping force:

 

Detective Phil Fish was born well over one hundred years ago, yet no matter how old he was, he never looked his age. He looked at least twice his age.

Early on it was noted that Detective Phillip “Abe Vigoda” Fish bore an eerie similarity to another television personality, Richard Simmons.

 

However, as he lost his hair, he became a dead ringer for Boris Karloff.

    

As you can tell from these rare photos, the resemblance was uncanny.

Fish went on to star in a series of films with Bela Lugosi, whose main claims to fame were that he played Dracula, became a drug addict, and he played Dracula.

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This particular still is taken from 1935’s Universal release, The Cramped Fingers of Evil, starring Detective Fish as Professor Barnabas Lennsing and Bela Lugosi as Dr.Vampire J. Hammitup.

The battle was very close, but the win has to go to Fish. Why? Check out this very rare comic book from 1979. Barnaby Jones never had a view-master reel, let alone his own comic book.

WINNER: FISH

Coming Soon:

FINAL THREE-WAY
WINNER-TAKE-ALL
BRAWL-FOR-IT -ALL:

Esther Rolle Vs. “The Man” Vs. The Fish

Space Drama!

20 May

May 20, 2014

Space Drama!

A stage play of Space Suspense and Space Action! Set in Space!

The place: Spaceship XR-17, somewhere out in Space!

The time: The future, but not so far in the future that people have stopped wearing pants.

The characters:
Duke Spaceace, captain of the XR-17
Larry “The Cable Guy” Sputnik, a crewman
Robot the Robot, a robot that pretends he is not a robot. He isn’t fooling anyone
Commander Louie Mazola, an alien from the planet Merkin

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ACT ONE: On The Bridge

CAPTAIN SPACEACE is sitting in the captain’s chair. ROBOT is plugged into an outlet next to the refrigerator. Enter LARRY “THE CABLE GUY” SPUTNIK.

LARRY: Captain, I’ve fixed the space engine. The spaceship should be working A-Okay.

CAPTAIN: Good work, Larry. Hey, that’s a nice pair of pants.

LARRY: Thanks. I read somewhere that in the future people will stop wearing pants.

CAPTAIN: Get on the space phone and call Space Command. Tell then that the space engine is fixed and we’re ready to resume our space mission.

LARRY: I’ve been trying to call them for the last 15 space minutes but all I get is their space answering machine.

CAPTAIN: Flarking spleeznuts! Robot! Hey, Robot, get over here!

The ROBOT unplugs himself and walks over.

ROBOT: I keep telling you, I’m not a robot.

CAPTAIN: And I keep telling you, you have a zircon hyperzoid space computer where your liver should be. That’s a dead giveaway.

LARRY: Plus you’re made of plastic.

ROBOT: That’s a skin condition!

CAPTAIN: Whatever. Look, keep trying to call Space Command. If you get through, tell them we’re continuing on our space vector to planet Ernest Borgnine 9. If you can’t get through to an operator, press seven and just leave a message.

LARRY: I think their tape is full.

CAPTAIN: This is the 83rd century and they don’t even have a digital answering machine?

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ACT TWO: In Deep Space

CAPTAIN: Space is sooo boring. Are we there yet?

LARRY: How do I know? Whenever I try to look out the window all I see is my own reflection.

CAPTAIN: I keep telling you, turn out the light and then look out the window. You’ll see fine. Hey, Robot!

LARRY: Captain, we really don’t-

CAPTAIN: Robot! Get over here. When are we getting to Ernest Borgnine 9?

ROBOT:  In about 8.129477476930 space hours, give or take .67838090 space minutes. (To himself): I’m not a robot, I’m just precise.

CAPTAIN: (To LARRY) See? That wasn’t so bad.

ROBOT: However, there are many variables to consider.

LARRY (shoots a nasty look at the Captain): Wanna bet?

ROBOT: First, this area of space is noted for its variable gravity fields, which could throw my calculation off by as much as .23%

CAPTAIN: Well, hey, that’s no big deal, why don’t we-

ROBOT: But also consider the third moon of the local binary star. It has been known to emit zeton radiation, which acts as a repelling force to our space engines.

CAPTAIN: I really don’t think-

ROBOT: There are also more local concerns, such as the mass of our cargo, which has shifted downwards .09% since the start of our journey, which can act to increase our speed.

CAPTAIN: So I say that-

ROBOT: But our biggest concern should be the fact that we are being held in a tractor beam emitted by the Merkin warship off our starboard bow.

CAPTAIN: Merkins! I have no use for them.

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ACT THREE: In Communication With The Merkin Commander.

CAPTAIN DUKE SPACEACE is arguing with Merkin Commander Louie Mazola over the space video phone. The Merkin is very hairy.

MERKIN: You’ve got 10 space minutes to get your space junk out of Merkin space or we’ll blow you into little itty bitty space pieces.

CAPTAIN: Stop calling my ship space junk! I bought her new and she’s almost paid off.

MERKIN: Nah nah! XR-17 is a comet’s tail! Nah nah!

CAPTAIN: I’ve had enough. Say what you want about me but leave the XR-17 out of this. I named her after my girlfriend and I’m very sensitive about her.

LARRY: Your girlfriend is named XR-17?

CAPTAIN: Yes. You’ve never met her. She’s a model. And she’s rich. We’re going to get married.

MERKIN: Enough of this nonsense. Get out of here already!

ROBOT: Captain, I’ve finally gotten through to an operator at Space Command. It cost us 99 space cents per space minute, but I have new orders for us.

CAPTAIN: Talk to you later, Louie. (Shuts off the space video phone.)

MERKIN: Hey, wait a- (cut off as screen goes dark.)

CAPTAIN: What did they say?

ROBOT: Space Admiral Bobo wants us to reverse course and return to Earth. He says that there’s a problem with our warranty.

CAPTAIN: What warranty?

LARRY: When you upgraded the robot to Windows 72 you used a bootleg copy.

CAPTAIN: It was cheaper!

ROBOT: So that’s why I can’t download any updates!

LARRY: I thought you said you’re not a robot.

ROBOT: Yeah, yeah, whatever. (Storms off the bridge.)

CAPTAIN: Larry, tell the Merkin commander he wins. I didn’t want to go through his stupid space anyway.

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EPILOGUE: (Just Like A Quinn Martin Production)

LARRY: We never did get to Ernest Borgnine 9.

CAPTAIN: No, but we got something better.

LARRY: What?

CAPTAIN: We got rid of the stupid robot. I sold him for scrap and bought some really cool decals for the ship. Look, this one’s an eagle!

LARRY: You know, these pants really are nice.

THE SPACE END!

 

 

 

 

 

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