Tag Archives: Poison

February 2022 News Roundup

6 Feb

February 6,2022

I have only one story this month, but it is very important and may save your life.

I had just finished reading a very important article about Kim Kardashian’s cellulite world peace in the New York Post mobile app (their motto: “We’ll Send You Alerts On Whatever We Want”) when I got to the end of the article, the bottom, where all the clickbait articles are, and I saw this:

Mayonnaise? Not on the list.

Good thing I did! I spit out the bite of weed killer sandwich I was about to swallow because maybe weed killer is one of the three deadliest poisons I never, ever, want to ingest. Now I may be willing to take my chances with the fourth or fifth deadliest poison (and number 10? Ha! I laugh at you, great-tasting arsenic) but the top three? Hey, momma only raised one idiot, and she tells me I’m not it, despite being an only child. I’m not messing with one through three.

But the article begs the question, which deadly poisons do I want to ingest? Are there many poisons that it is OK to ingest, or at least not bad? If I had a hankering to drink a glass of toxic snake venom, is that wrong? Should I not do that? Could I have a slice of delicious salmonella?

Well, I’m sorry, but the world may never know since I never did click on that link. I was too busy trying to find out if that’s Peter Dinklage in the Beastie Boys No Sleep Till Brooklyn video.

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Imponderable # 20: London England

7 Oct

October 7, 2011

Do I need to go into this?

I take issue with the judge. If the Mafia really did poison my urine, you bet I’d pee it out ASAP.

But the real issue is about placing this man in the witness protection program. You can’t expect him to rat on the Mafia and not get whacked. He has a target on his back now. They already went after his urine, what could be next, his poop?

Why would the Mafia poison the water supply? I guess that’s Imponderable.

Did this guy really expect to get away with that lame excuse?

The answer has to be no.

How did his lawyer say that in court with a straight face?

The question is Imponderable.

But lawyers do that sort of thing all the time.

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