Tag Archives: noir

The Christmas Spirit, A Holiday Tale

15 Dec

December 15, 2018

I’ve been featuring other people’s writing lately and focusing a little more on books and stories, so I decided to shine a little light on myself and bring back one of my own tales from recent years. This is my first Christmas story featuring my own PI, Hollywood Russell. He’s a pulp fiction style of detective, with his adventures taking place in the noir-centric post WWII era, more or less. He’s also a really good guy to know. I’ve written two other Christmas tales with Russell, one of which you can find under the Hollywood Russell tab atop this page along with some other of his cases.

She never wore shoes at home.

Neither did her three children or their father, who only showed up every few days when he needed money. He may have left her with a broken heart, three mouths to feed and a stack of bills, but even he left his shoes outside the door.

It wasn’t that she loved being barefoot. Oh no, during this time of year she wore all four of her pairs of socks and even her not-so-good pair of stockings (the pair with the holes in the heels) to keep out the cold.

The problem was that shoes brought in dirt. Mud. Gum. Cigarette butts stuck to the bottom. They scuffed floors and sullied carpets.

She spent all day cleaning floors at work and sure as the sun shone in the sky, she wasn’t going to spend her time at home doing the same.

She worked nights. During the day she stayed home taking care of her family and at night when the little ones were in bed she trusted the older one (who was not long past being a little one herself) to watch them so she could earn some money so breakfast could be waiting when they woke up.

Winter was her good time of year. The work was harder, the floors were always wet from melting snow tracked in by, yes, shoes, and no, it usually wasn’t clean. This was not the best part of the city, after all.  But what made it good was yet to come. Christmas. And that meant tips from the people who rented the offices she cleaned every night.

Most of those people she saw only in passing. They were usually going out as she was coming in. Locking their doors as she was unpacking her box of cleaning rags and sprays.

“Hello, um, Miss! Sorry about the coffee stain near the desk!”
“That’s ok, I’ll get it out.”
“Merry Christmas, um…”
“Merry Christmas to you too, sir.”

Some people she never saw. The offices of Tick + Hansom (she wasn’t sure what they did) closed at 4:00, long before she got to work. There were a pair of adjoining offices on the fifth floor that she didn’t have a master key for. There was no name on either  door and she wasn’t completely sure they were occupied, but once in a while the shades would be pulled on the frosted glass door windows so something was going on in there.

She also never saw the man who rented the small two-room office on the fourth floor, and though he always kept the light in the office burning, it was empty when she went in. It was also usually clean, so either he or his secretary kept it neat. At least she assumed he had a secretary. The small desk that she guessed the secretary would sit at never had more than a magazine on it.

She cleaned their floors, emptied their trash cans, mopped their hallways and wiped their windows. She didn’t peek in their drawers or go through their papers. If there was an open file cabinet she left it open and untouched. If the jeweler on three had left a bauble on his desk it would still be there in the morning, shining away in the morning light.

She cleaned up spilled liquor and spilled blood. She turned a blind eye to the lawyer who was “deposing” a pretty young client late one night.

She didn’t even eat her dinner at an empty desk, instead spreading her thin meal out on a clean box she kept in “her office,” the janitor’s closet.

Tonight was an easy night. It was only a few days before Christmas and most of the offices had closed early or hadn’t opened at all. The trash cans were empty, the windows unsmudged, the floors more or less free of heel scuffs. Overall, she was going to have a good sleep when she got home, a rare one where her back wouldn’t ache.

By the time she got to the office with the perpetually burning light, she was a good way ahead of schedule and was feeling hopeful that she could be home early enough to get an almost decently long sleep.

She took out her master key, put it in the lock, but the door swung open before she could turn it. Curious, she stepped inside and saw nothing unusual but noticed that the door to the inner office was ajar. Leaving her cleaning cart in the hallway, she went inside.

On a shabby couch, looking like he’d fallen off his sled, was Santa Claus.

She stood there for a moment. Santa’s suit was torn at the collar, his white wig had twigs sticking out at odd angles, his Santa hat was missing, and his beard was over his nose and completely covering his left eye. (The right eye appeared to be black and blue but that was none of her business.)

She wanted to ask if he was OK, she was about to, when Santa groaned and sat up, not much, but a little straighter. He looked at his watch, saw it wasn’t there, then squinted at the clock through his bruised and starting to swell eye. “What time is it?”

She gave a little, startled jump, then looked at the clock and answered “almost 1 in the morning.”

Santa squinted at her, then straightened his beard and looked at her through his now-uncovered left eye. “That’s it? Usually the parties in my head don’t start thumping like that until 3. They better watch out or they’re going to get raided.” He gingerly took off his wig and even more gingerly started to rub the back of his head. “Do me a favor, sweetheart. Take a look back there. Tell me if it’s as bad as it feels.”

Slowly, she moved just close enough to him to see and leaned over. “Well, not too bad…” She leaned back, but the look on her face didn’t reassure him.

He looked at her. She looked at him. He was an odd sight. Short dark hair and a thick white Santa beard. “That bump feels about the size of Patton’s ego.”

She shuffled a little. “Maybe you should call a doctor?”

He took a deep breath. “I’ve had worse.” He shifted a bit on the couch, then an odd look crossed his face. He patted his red jacket and reached into a pocket. His voice changed, a cross between surprise and anger. “They don’t really think…” He trailed off as he pulled out a very thick wad of bills.

She looked away. This did not interest her. She did not want it to interest her.

The man in the Santa suit jumped up. He swayed a little, but his face (what could be seen behind the beard) was set. “He really thinks this will work.”

She looked around the office. It was old. It needed paint. There were two chairs against the wall and one of them looked ready to fall apart. She was sure this man could use the money, just like she could.

He turned to her. “It was nice meeting you, but I have an appointment to return a favor.” Grabbing his Santa hat off the couch (he was sitting on it the whole time) he took a couple of more-or-less steady steps over to the desk, where he took something small and black out of a drawer and slipped it somewhere inside his voluminously overstuffed Santa jacket. She looked away and brushed some of the lint off of her recently mended apron.

Santa stood for a second and looked at her, taking in the full picture, and, she thought she could feel, his keen eyes taking in even more.

“Thank you,” he said. She thought that the way he said it, he meant for more than just looking at his head.

Then he rushed out of the room, but stopped at the office door. He turned back, let out a deep baritone “Merry Christmas!” and a softer “ho ho ho” and left.

She fluffed the near-threadbare couch as best she could, closed the inner door, and wondered what kind of man would get so angry to find so much money.

She closed and locked the outer door and, running her fingers over the painted letters on the frosted glass spelling out DETECTIVE AGENCY, realized that this was the first time she had met Hollywood Russell.

She turned to her cleaning cart and was about to move on to the next office when she noticed that Santa’s beard was lying on top. Maybe it had fallen off?

Probably not. The thick wad of cash was beneath it.

She heard a soft “ho ho ho,” looked to her right, and saw a flash of red disappear down the hall and around the corner.

 The End







Hollywood’s Day Off: A Hollywood Russell Story

19 Feb

February 19, 2016

Hollywood's Day Off

It was 12 noon on a Tuesday in New York City. September. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, a cool breeze through the trees. In the business district, men and women were emptying out of their office buildings like flood over a dam. It was lunchtime and executives in expensive fedoras on their way to lunch at the club mingled with secretaries in uncomfortable shoes off to run errands, dodging the lines of tellers, clerks, and salesmen milling around the corner hot dog stands.

In the park, the benches quickly filled with men and women carrying their paper bags full of baloney sandwiches or slices of last night’s roast on a hard roll. At this hour, men and women were walking quickly through the park, from east to west, west to east, north to south, south to north. Lunch hour was precious and flew by all too quickly, and soon it was time to go back to the drab office and restart the day’s toil.

Hollywood Russell sat on a bench under a tree and enjoyed the little dramas that played out before him. There was a man with hangdog eyes, looking at his newspaper but not seeing it. Across from him were a pair of men loudly complaining about their bosses. Turning right, Hollywood saw a trio of young secretaries walking past a bench where an equally young executive sat. Hollywood watched them walk, as did the young executive.

Private eyes rarely had the luxury of enjoying a day like this. If there was no case, Hollywood would be in his office, and lunch would either be at his desk or down at the local watering hole. If there was a case, he’d be out but working, and lunch, if he had the time, was wherever he found himself. But today the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Hollywood was very comfortable on the bench in the park.  He folded his newspaper, dropped it in his lap, and leaned back.


Next to Hollywood on the bench, but at a distance that left the PI room to stretch, was a businessman virtually indistinguishable from the others inhabiting the park this afternoon. Neat, moderately priced brown suit, hat pulled back on his head to enjoy the sun, peanut butter sandwich wrapped in wax paper and of course the paper bag next to him.

Hollywood tore his eyes away from the secretaries, who were now on their second lap around the young executive’s bench, and leaned over to his neighbor. “Looks like the fish is on the hook.” He nudged the man in the ribs and nodded in the right direction.

The man in the brown suit looked and smiled. “With gams like that, those dames can’t lose.” Hollywood favored him with a wolf grin that ended at his eyes and leaned back.

The minutes ticked by and little by little the park emptied out as New York’s businesses demanded their cogs and gears start spinning again. The secretarial trio, their appetites quenched for food but no more, went back to their desks, phones, and coffee. The young executive looked at his watch and decided that he had stretched his hour about as far as he could, and made ready to get up.

Hollywood stood up, and as he did, the newspaper in his lap fell to the ground. “Oh, pardon me.”

He bent to pick it up, jostling his bench mate just as the man fired the gun that had been hidden in the brown paper bag. His shot went high, lodging in a tree just a few feet above the young executive’s head.

The detective straightened up and turned to the would-be killer. “Tell Deez he’ll have to do better than that.” He plucked the gun out of the man’s hand, tucked the newspaper under his arm, and walked out of the park, escorting the startled young executive back to his office.

It was such a nice day that Hollywood almost considered not cashing the check.





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