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Tag Archives: episode VII

Star Wars Episode VIII Wish List (Spoilers? Maybe.)

3 May

April 3, 2016

TOP TEN THINGS I WANT TO SEE IN STAR WARS EPISODE VIII

1- Revenge of the wampa. Remember the wampa ice monster that captured Luke on Hoth? Luke escaped by cutting its arm off with his lightsaber. I want to see the monster, now with a cybernetic arm, come looking for payback. This would explain why no one has seen Luke for years- he’s been hiding from the wampa.

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2- Chewbacca’s pants. Chewie is a giant furry beast. Imagine how bad he must smell when he gets wet. I want part of the next film to be set on a water world, forcing Chewbacca to wear thick rubber pants and wading boots to stay dry.

3- Kung Fu. Star Wars debuted in the 1970’s, an era known for disco, polyester, and Kung Fu fighting. Disco Star Wars was a hit, but there were no Kung Fu fighting Jedi. Time to fix that mistake. Also, they must be badly dubbed.

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4- Finn wearing a monocle. I just want to see Finn wearing a monocle.

5- Time travel. Star Wars has never included time travel. I say it’s about time. (Pun intended.) Now that Han is dead, a grief-stricken Leia travels back in time to bring back a younger Han. Unfortunately she misses the mark by a few years and now Kid Solo is part of the Resistance. Sure he’s only 12 years old, but he’ll grow.

6- A whole bunch of Darth Vaders. Everyone loves Darth Vader. So how about a clone horde of Darth Vaders, each claiming to be the real Vader, all battling themselves? Imagine what a great lightsaber battle 570 Darth Vaders could have!

7- C-3PO’s purple foot. Anthony Daniels was not a fan of Threepio’s red arm, so much so that they had to compromise and return his golden arm by film’s end. I liked the look. It was the most character development the fussy ‘bot had in seven films. I say make it a running gag. In every film, replace some part of him with a different color appendage.

8- Batman.
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9- More Ewoks. Yes, I said more Ewoks. Kylo Ren’s bedroom should be filled with cuddly Ewok teddy bears, all with their stuffing hanging out from one of his angry temper tantrums. Poor kid. He had a rough life.

10- An apology. I still want someone to apologize for Episode I. (Midi-chlorians? Bah!)

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens, And Has Breakfast

26 Jan

January 26, 2016

Star Wars is back, and in the grand tradition of movie tie-ins, it has its own cereal. But I’m a little confused. Are Yoda and Darth Vader about to square off over a bowl of cereal? I guess there weren’t many grocery stores a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Yoda looks pretty angry. I’m not sure I’d like to stare at that face over my breakfast table. Is he daring me to eat that cereal? This is a little violent for breakfast.

SW duo

Maybe it is all just a Jedi mind trick.

But not to be left out, the Trix Rabbit also got in on the act. Here he is, dressed as his favorite Star Wars character.

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He’s dressed as Princess Leia. Not what I would have expected. Is there something we should know about him? Seems like an odd choice. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I wonder how that box sold down South? “Yee-haw and fry my griddles! I ain’t having no gol-darn cross-dressing rabbit cereal in this house! Where’s my shotgun? I’m going out to shoot me a good old-fashioned muskrat for breakfast. And somebody check the still. I think I saw some revenuers sneaking around.”

Meanwhile, lost and left out of all the cross-promotion, is poor Jar Jar Binks.

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