Tag Archives: Christmas

HAPPY BLOGSGIVING! (Classic Turkey Repost)

21 Nov

November 21st, 2012

Today is the biggest travel days of the year, and therefore one of the lowest days of blog traffic. I’m taking a mini-break today and tomorrow with a pair of very Classic Reposts. In fact, this one goes all the way back to my old MySpace days. Ah, yes, the cynical MySpace era, where I blogged once a week or, if I got crazy, as much as three times a week. But I also had a much smaller audience and when I moved to WordPress I dumped all my old blogs here in one lump so the odds are pretty good that almost no one reading this blog has ever read this post. So is it new? As NBC annoyingly said a few years ago, “if you haven’t seen it, it is new to you.”

from November 23, 2007

HAPPY BLOGSGIVING!

Ah, the holidays. Thanksgiving is the official kick-off the Holiday Season. As off 7:01 pm on Thanksgiving night it is now Christmas.

That’s right, it is now Christmas. As I write this on Friday, November 23, 2007, it is Christmas. Christmas music on the radio, Christmas decorations on the Avenue, Christmas sales in the stores, and lots of tools sleeping in tents to beat the crowds and get the sales.

Yesterday, Thanksgiving, at 4:21 pm. I saw a line of young teenage tools lined up outside of Best Buy. The line was a good 150 deep. And the store wouldn’t open for another 12 ½ hours! They had chairs, tents, and barbeques. Everything except toilet facilities. But they didn’t have any at Woodstock either and that worked out just fine. Everyone knows how clean and orderly Woodstock was.

Holidays are a time for family and friends. I hate family and friends! OK, so hate is a harsh word. So are loathe and despise.

But the holidays get you away from work, which is always nice. Except when you take work home with you, which is always bad. I took work home over this break. No, actually, I didn’t. I didn’t need to take the work home because the DAMN WORK IS ONLINE, MEANING THAT I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM IT!

But I broke away from the computer long enough to buy some Christmas cards. Really nice ones featuring my hero, The Grinch.

So on this holiday, at this time of love, peace, and goodwill towards men, I’ll leave you all with my message of love and understanding:………………………….., um as soon as I have one I’ll let you know.

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Shop Smart! Shop Keyes Mart!

3 Sep

September 3, 2012

            “Buy This Stuff! We Have Legal Bills!”

Just in time for Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa and any other holiday we can cash in on, Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride is proud to open the shopping section of our web site for our valued customers.

SPECIAL OFFERS!!!!

*FREE SHIPPING AVAILABLE!   (*customer must pay shipping surcharge)

*RUSH DELIVERY GUARANTEED!   (*rush orders guaranteed to ship within three months of payment)

*SPECIFY GIFT WRAP!   (*then go out and buy the wrapping paper you want)

*EASY RETURN POLICY!  (*we don’t accept any)


LITERARY CORNER:

Fresh from the remainder bins at Borders, Kill Whitey is Allen Keyes’ poignant memoir of growing up as an outsider in turbulent 1960’s Schenectady. From his time as founder of the Black Leopard Party, to his stints as henchman in various anarcho-activist groups, to his invention of LSD, Keyes lays bare his soul in this decades-spanning saga.  1,273 pages.  “Allen Keyes pulls no punches. If you want to read a 10-page long lovingly written description of Keyes bludgeoning various people with his signature lead-filled baseball bat, this one is for you. Highest recommendation!” – Christian Science Monitor Review of Books

 Now it can be told! Hollywood icon and abusive father Bing Crosby reveals his life-long “partnership” with his “good friend” Allen Keyes.  From their first meeting at Frank Sinatra’s bathhouse, to the falling out over Keyes advising Crosby to pass on “Singing in the Rain”, Crosby’s memoir is written in regretful, haunting prose.  272 pages, picture insert.  “The Crosby family hereby forbids you from promoting or selling this publication” —  Lawyer for the Crosby Estate

 

The State of New York vs Allen Keyes.  For the first time, the complete set of court transcripts detailing all of Keyes’ various battles with the law are unsealed! Previously unreleased materials include:  Juvenile offender hearing transcripts, suppressed testimony from the butler at the Brooke Astor trial, and the District Attorney’s personal rebuttal to the verdict from the nursing home inquiry. Order by Oct. 1 and received an autographed courtroom sketch! – “This guy…….he’s not my kind of guy”  — Hon. Rudolph Giuliani

 ON THE GO:

Mr.BTR ANALOG EDITION.   No time to read your favorite blog? Too broke to own a digital device or smartphone?  We got you covered! Take Fat Guy, Saturday Comics, Imponderables and the rest of your favorites along with you, anytime, anywhere!  Analog edition comes in monthly or yearly subscription plans.  Portability has never been so fun or useful!  Analog reader sold separately.

LIFESTYLE:

STYLISH BOOKENDS! OUR MOST POPULAR SELLER! Made from the highest quality Newark Lucite, these hip bookends make a statement about your quality of taste and décor. Nothing says understated and elegant like the fat guy! 6×5 in., 3lbs each. Made in China.  Also available in white frame.

GAME MART:

The #1 game in Monaco comes to the United States! Game modes include 1-player, 2-player and 17-player online experience. Rated C. Order by Oct. 1 and receive exclusive code to download the locked Hillbilly Cosplay  level!  Available for Xbox, PS3, Wii or Atari 2600.   “1 out of 10” —– EGM    “What the he—is this crap??” – Editor’s Pick, Xbox Magazine

FASHION CORNER:

ENDORSED BY SNOOKI!  Fashionable Mr.BTR t-shirts! Handcrafted from the finest Egyptian cotton and custom designed by our exclusive stable of artists, these T-shirts are sure to make you the envy of your friends, and THE fashion icon in your neighborhood. Available in a variety of styles.

Mr. Blog’s Picks of the Month:

Jokeclops brand cheap booze! For when you want to get your a$$ ripped!!!  500-proof. “That sh-t knocks me out!” – Lindsey Lohan

Just in time for Christmas! Keyes Kroons Kristmas Ksongs has all your favorite hits, including Kwhite Kristmas, and Kjingle Kbells! Also available as an iTunes download.–  “Timeless, a true American Classic” – Bono, U2

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