I’ve been using my Twitter account lately to post some Onion-style headlines featuring the local single guy. Let me be clear on this- This is not me and is not based on me. I am happily involved with my fantasy dwarf RPG.
Here are the first few tweets.
Sad, so sad. Poor guy has no idea how sad his life is. Poor guy also has no idea how I uncreatively used “sad” three times in the previous sentence. That’s pretty sad too.
OK, well, I do admit that I’ve had cold pizza more than once in my life. But there’s nothing wrong with that! I like cold pizza!
Local single guy also thinks Madea is pretty hot. I don’t have the heart to tell him that it is Tyler Perry in drag.
You can follow me and see more than just the same ol’ same ol’ @bmj2k, or just find the Twitter feed somewhere on the sidebar to the right.
A couple of second graders in Boston had some free time on their hands and they wrote a list of steps to falling in love. Although they had 24 slots, they ended the list at 13. Either they ran out of time or 13 is all you need, I don’t know. Maybe the missing 11 steps are for the divorce.
Also missing are steps 7 and 9, but I think that just adds to the mystery and mystique of love! The kids’ steps are in black, my commentary is in red.
1. First you stare at the person. DO NOT do this on the subway. This will get you arrested and/or sprayed with mace.
2. You get close to each other. But not too close! See step one above.
3. You ask for a date. Ok.
4. You go in bed and do sex. Number four, like the others on the list, is singular, so I guess that after step three, asking for a date, you were turned down, so you go to bed and masturbate.
5. When you kiss you suck and lick. These are some advanced second-graders!
6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex. Wow, you must be an animal!
7.
8. Go dance and put your noses together. Um, what?
9.
10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever. “Forever? Forever ever?”
(I was hoping I could find this clip!)
11. Take a shower together and kiss. Um, I thought we were already kissing forever?
12. Give each other rings. Sounds like every judge show ever.
13. Go to the pool together. Ah, yes, the most important step in any relationship, go to the pool together. What the what now?
It works every time!
So there you go, follow those 24 um, 13, um 11 steps and you too will find true love and happiness!
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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