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Ricky 1, Caitlyn 0

14 Jan

January 14, 2016

ricky vs caitlyn

Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Gobes and the internet is on fire- ¡en fuego!– about it. And whose socks are in a tizzy? The usual easily-offended crowd.

“OH MY GAWD! HE MADE A CAITLYN JENNER JOKE! I AM GOING TO GO ON THE INTERNET AND COMPLAIN! TRANSGENDERPHOBE! HOW DARE HE!!!!!!!!!!! BOYCOTT! CENSOR! KILL HIM! AND OH YEAH HILLARY 2016!” – Totally representative sample tweet

Calm down, settle down, put down those pitchforks. Let’s read the joke, shall we? For many of the loudest whiners, this will be the first time.

“I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously … now Caitlyn Jenner. What a year she’s had. She became a role model for trans people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers, but you can’t have everything, can you?”

WHOA! A transgender joke! This is 2016! How un-PC! How… how… wait a minute. Do you see that?

It’s not a transgender joke at all! It is a joke about Jenner’s bad driving. It has nothing to do with his/her gender. In fact it compliments her on breaking barriers.

In the end, it is just a cliché joke about bad woman drivers.

And isn’t that the ultimate acceptance? Caitlyn Jenner is now the butt of a tired old, stereotypical bad woman driver joke.

Meanwhile, I’m sorry for assaulting your eyes with that awful (and totally not transphobic) picture of Caitlyn Jenner. To make up for it, here’s Katy Perry.

perry

 

 

 

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Little Caesars Pizza Goes Back To 1979

9 Jan

January 9, 2016

lc logo

I really don’t know what Little Caesars Pizza is thinking. First of all, here in Brooklyn, there are so many local pizza places that the only thing that keeps chain pizza places alive is their low prices, since any local pizza place blows them out of the water. But accepting that as a given, there are 3 main pizza chains around here, Domino’s, Papa John’s, and Little Caesars.

Domino’s pizza ads are horrendous. Invariably, their pies look old and dry. I have yet to see a commercial where a Domino’s pizza looked fresh. At the other end is Little Caesars. Their pizzas look ridiculously oily in every ad. Papa John’s look the best, but that is damning them with faint praise. But out of the three, by far, Little Caesars has the worst marketing idea.

There was a time when the main knock on fast food was that it was made in advance and sat around under heat lamps until someone bought it. Was your Big Mac made two minutes ago? An hour ago? Nobody knew. So the big innovation was that your food was made when you ordered. Sure, maybe the ingredients were sitting around all day in the back, and maybe it takes an extra ten minutes to get your order, but at least it wasn’t all assembled until you ordered it. It was fresh, or at least a facsimile thereof.

Now here comes Little Caesars. Their ads urge you to avoid “complicated pizza websites.” How hard is it to order a pizza online? Unless you are either a caveman or 108 years old, it isn’t hard at all. Their big innovation is to go to one of their stores (thus losing any convenience ordering online had) and pick up a “hot-n-ready” pizza that is just sitting there, presumably under heat lamps, waiting for you. Was your pizza made two minutes ago? An hour ago? Nobody knows.

We’re going back to the past, people. Its 1979 all over again!

Little Caesars is run by technological Luddites. And their mascot looks like a penis.

little caesars mascot

Little Caesars’ strangely phallic Roman mascot. Note the short and curlies on his chest.

 

 

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