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February 2022 News Roundup

6 Feb

February 6,2022

I have only one story this month, but it is very important and may save your life.

I had just finished reading a very important article about Kim Kardashian’s cellulite world peace in the New York Post mobile app (their motto: “We’ll Send You Alerts On Whatever We Want”) when I got to the end of the article, the bottom, where all the clickbait articles are, and I saw this:

Mayonnaise? Not on the list.

Good thing I did! I spit out the bite of weed killer sandwich I was about to swallow because maybe weed killer is one of the three deadliest poisons I never, ever, want to ingest. Now I may be willing to take my chances with the fourth or fifth deadliest poison (and number 10? Ha! I laugh at you, great-tasting arsenic) but the top three? Hey, momma only raised one idiot, and she tells me I’m not it, despite being an only child. I’m not messing with one through three.

But the article begs the question, which deadly poisons do I want to ingest? Are there many poisons that it is OK to ingest, or at least not bad? If I had a hankering to drink a glass of toxic snake venom, is that wrong? Should I not do that? Could I have a slice of delicious salmonella?

Well, I’m sorry, but the world may never know since I never did click on that link. I was too busy trying to find out if that’s Peter Dinklage in the Beastie Boys No Sleep Till Brooklyn video.

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Pumpkin Pickin’ Pukin’ Pumpkins

27 Oct

An Allan Keyes Klassic from October 29, 2012, republished on October 27, 2021

Happy Halloween everyone! It’s that magical day of the year when we can dress up as superheros, act like panhandlers, and stuff our faces with candy all at the same time! Just a tip though, the rumors are not true – McDonalds does not give out cheeseburgers to trick-or-treaters . Those bastards!

Anyway, have a great night out eating other people’s candy! Now here’s some twisted Jack-O-Lanterns!

Fun With Teh Internets:  PUKING PUMPKINS!

Allan Keyes’ favorite!

BONUS SEARCH: Cannibal Pumpkins.
The little guy looks so happy, doesn’t he?

And for some reason, this came up in the search…..

Wait till you see my selection of inappropriate Santas for Christmas…… 😉