My Facebook Finale

27 Sep

September 27, 2017

About a month ago I left Facebook.

It was getting annoying. There were constant fights and disagreements. And I don’t mean over politics. An argument started in a thread where one person said that he didn’t like an old movie from the 1950’s. I merely said that I thought it was OK but I expected more. That’s it. I was then challenged by a couple of college film students who said that I did not understand the differences between television and film, and did not understand the intent of the film, nor did I understand the art of filmmaking in general.

I remind you, this was my comment: “It was OK but I expected more.”
And this is the film: Our Miss Brooks

Would any of you get into a fight over this?

I believed, and rightly so, that there was no point in Hell in getting into a debate over a film as mediocre and forgettable as that, so I bowed out of the argument with what I thought was a classy and witty riposte: “Screw you, assholes.”

OK, I didn’t really say that, but I did abruptly leave the thread in the dust. Why bother? And that was only the last straw. In the days leading up to it, there were huge fights (which I tried- sometimes successfully- to stay out of) over things like comic books and people’s user names. It was all nonsense, all pointless.

But what really got me to leave was that I was stooping to their level. I’d leave snarky comments. I’d get drawn into the arguments. I realized I was as bad as everyone else who trolls online and decided to just stop. I did not make a single comment, or even like anything, for a month. I went on Facebook only briefly to check in on the one or two legitimately scholarly things I look at, and to see what my friends were up to, but I was off and on quickly.

However, you can’t eat just one potato chip, you can’t stop at one lick of a Tootsie Pop, and you can’t avoid clickbait forever. So I decided to go back online and see what happened.

What happened is that after a few days I decided to leave again.

Why? Because who expected to get into an argument over whether the Earth is flat on my first night back?

I tried. I really, really tried, but there were so many people saying so many stupid things it hurt. I don’t mean ignorant or misinformed things, I mean genuinely stupid things.

  • “The Earth ain’t round because I put a Pokémon toy on this baseball and it falls off.” And there was video to prove it.
  • “If I had a really really strong telescope I could see France from my house in Michigan so the Earth has to be flat.”
  • “If the Earth was round we could just walk around it all the way but no has CAUSE IT CAN’T BE DONE.”

And I took it seriously! I know some science. I was a science major back in the day. I debated it scientifically, explained gravity, described the difference between the Earth and a baseball (it’s a lot bigger and heavier) and just generally used a mix of common sense and science to point by point debate a whole bunch of people who are in imminent danger of sailing over the edge of their brain cell.

It didn’t go well. People who believe the Earth is flat tend not to appreciate the scientific method.

I also made an innocuous comment, intended as a mild joke, about a series of comic book covers someone posted.

How was I supposed to know the artist was following the thread?

For the record, yes, the later covers were more or less the same. (More skin less clothes, but the same focus on the face.) The artist was nice enough to not call me out, and seeing he was in the thread I complimented his art (he really is good.) But I never went back to that thread.

So that was my great non-Facebook experiment. I still believe the Earth is round so it must have been a success.






10 Responses to “My Facebook Finale”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT September 27, 2017 at 12:57 am #

    You mean the Earth is round? It’s not a pyramid as I always thought it was??? O___O Anyway, I think you should stay on facebook, it’s fun seeing you struggle against its illogicity 😀 And yes, this word probably doesn’t exist, but just use it a few times on facebook, someone will certainly like it and start to use it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • bmj2k September 27, 2017 at 1:02 pm #

      “Illogicity” sounds like a Beastie Boys album to me. I like it,


  2. T E Stazyk September 27, 2017 at 3:39 pm #

    If “sea level” means the Earth is flat, does that mean that “mean temperature” is proof of global warming?

    Liked by 1 person

    • bmj2k September 27, 2017 at 10:30 pm #

      The Earth can’t be warming or the giant wall of ice that surrounds the Earth and keeps the water from flowing off would melt.


    • Mac of BIOnighT September 28, 2017 at 8:45 pm #

      Yep 😀 besides, think about this: when you tell somebody to “walk straight ahead,” if the earth was really round and they walked straight ahead, at one point they would be walking in mid air! But the Earth is flat, therefore they can walk straight ahead – as opposed to round ahead – and keep their feet on the ground 🙂


      • bmj2k September 28, 2017 at 11:09 pm #

        So logically the Earth must be flat. Works for me.

        My favorite silly use of logic is how Douglas Adams, in his AMAZING book The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, proved that God does not exist.

        “The Final Proof of the non-Existence of God was proved by a Babel Fish. (A fish that when placed inside your ear will, somehow, translate any language you hear into English.)

        Now, it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some have chosen to see it as the final proof of the NON-existence of God. The argument goes something like this:

        “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

        “But,” says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that You exist, and so therefore, by Your own arguments, You don’t. QED”

        “Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

        “Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next pedestrian crossing.


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