Archive | December, 2013

Writer’s Block #8: Poetry Time

10 Dec

 

December 10, 2013

It is time once again to resort to  the list of oddball writer’s prompts used by “colleges and universities” around the country and the pickings are getting mighty slim. Today’s prompt: Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you (NYU, 2009). This is bad, mighty bad. I am not a poet and I know it. The last time I posted some poetry on this blog was February of 2011. Here it is, in case you have somehow blotted it from your memory:

The Burger King wears a crown.
It is made out of paper.
His face is a waxen mask

Always smiling
“Have it your way.”
My way? But aren’t you the King?

Profound, no? Ok, no. But it has to be better than whatever I am about to come up with.

Writer’s Block #8: Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you

Hi!
This is me.
I have a blog

Hmm. Well, while it fits the description, it frankly sucks. Let’s try that again.

There once was a man from Nantucket, whose– WHOA, whoa, give that another shot.

Rose petal
summer spray
sun

Better, more poetic, but it doesn’t represent me at all.

Oh well, I filled a blog page, so I give up.
And that represents me best of all.

 

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Offline and Off Target

9 Dec

December 9, 2013

The House of Blog is in disarray.

No, I don’t mean there is any political intrigue going on between the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, I mean that literally: My house is a mess.

I need some furniture. Target is not where I would normally go to look for a dresser, but it had a couple of things going for it: 1- it was cheap and 2- it was cheap. Now I know that when most people think of cheap furniture they think Ikea, but want a dresser whose name I can pronounce in case I need to call up customer service.

“Hello, Ikea? Hi, I bought a dresser the other day and it was missing some parts. I need a drawer, the top, and one of the sides.”
“Right ma’am.”
“Sir. I’m a sir.”
“Thank you ma’am. What model dresser did you buy?”
“Umm, it says ‘schnoor, um, flargeen, something,’ there’s a ‘o’ with a line through it, an umlaut…, er…..”

So Target was the way to go. In addition to cheap I am also lazy so I went online. There’s nothing like buying a piece of furniture you have to assemble yourself from a small picture online. This is what I found.

target

Currently unavailable online.
Not sold in stores.

Do these dressers exist? What are they doing here? I thought the point of Target’s website was to sell merchandise, not tempt and tease you with things you can’t buy.

And one of the phantom dressers has a price so secret they won’t even tell you what it is.

C’mon Target. Shape up.

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