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Archive | November, 2013

The Saturday Comics: Thanksgiving Covers

30 Nov

November 30, 2013

from November 24, 2012

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Comics are just like reality. They celebrate the same holidays we do. Wether it be Christmas, Thanksgiving, or the anniversary of the day Superman rocketed to Earth, you can find a cover to commemorate the event. And sometimes, like your uncle Moe at the dinner table, they tell strange stories. Let’s see what comics have to say about Thanksgiving.

Donald Duck. Patriot. Member of the NRA. And fearsome turkey hunter. will he catch the turkey? Will his nephews outsmart him? Will that ancient gun explode the moment he pulls the trigger?

Things are getting desperate for that poor turkey. He’s really buttering up, or perhaps hitting on, Donald. Hey , if you were going to be served for dinner you’d go to extreme lengths to survive too.

I guess the turkey won. And it looks like Donald has found some appropriate replacements. I am not sure under what circumstances ducks will turn to cannibalism, but Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Them’s good eating.

Let’s see if Bugs Bunny can do any better.

This is one proactive turkey. If I were Bugs I’d be thinking about letting Elmer Fudd go after this one.

Yup, this turkey is not taking things lying down. I think the odds are pretty good that Bugs will end up on the bird’s dinner table.

Nope, Bugs Bunny won, but judging from the crazed look in his eyes he may never be the same again. Poor guy has been traumatized for life.

So far the turkeys are taking pretty good care of themselves, but can they beat the Justice Society?

Yes they can. This turkey is managing to elude Flash, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern. He’s the Lex Luthor of turkeys, and just as bald. What is next for the foul fiend, world domination?

Next up is a bird who ended up roasted but still seems to have gotten some sort of revenge.

It seems that Solomon Grundy is immune to salmonella poisoning. I would never accept dinner at Grundy’s house. Would you expect an undead swamp monster to wash his hands after restroom? I don’t think so.

This is just weird. Aside from Lana having a crush on her own brother for all those years, why would Superboy wear his costume around the house and to serve dinner?

And lastly, I had to end with something that, while not a comic book, is what the season is all about.

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Good Citizenship for the Holiday Season

29 Nov

November 29, 2013

from November 23, 2009

thanksgiving header

Some people have no sense of civic responsibility, or even goodwill to their fellow man. For example, I went to a high school downtown and had to take the train. I was a little late and was rushing out of the station when a woman in front of me twisted her ankle and fell. Almost no one even looked her way, let alone stopped to help her. I hope she was OK, I really couldn’t tell as I was almost a half block away when I thought to look back and see.

But that is just an exception, really. I do try to be helpful. I would think nothing of giving CPR to a man with a broken ankle or applying the Heimlich Maneuver to a drowning woman. I’d even try to shock back to life a guy in a car accident by connecting jumper cables from the car battery to his brain. Take it from me, a firm grasp of basic first aid is a necessity and can be easily gleaned from any cartoon or foreign cable TV show.

Of all the various methods of first aid, none can be handier than the Heimlich Maneuver.

To perform it, you get behind a choking victim, reach around their chest, and manually locate a certain point at the base of the rib cage and, using short quick thrusts, force your fist upward and inward to the victim, hopefully dislodging the food they are choking on.

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Locating a choking victim is easy. The person may be gasping for air and turning blue. Choking victims may be trying to violently dislodge the food themselves, often doing more harm than good. If you are properly trained in first aid and can competently perform the Heimlich Maneuver, you are ideally going to look for a busty woman because this is a great excuse to feel her up.

In fact, may medics, at the merest first cough, often zoom over to the table of an attractive young woman and attempt to perform first aid on the woman’s breasts.

Now that is good citizenship.

Other good citizenship tips for the Holiday Season:

  • After sitting on Santa’s lap, towel him off as you would the equipment at the gym.
  • After waiting hours in line for the department store to open early in the morning the day after Thanksgiving, do not leave your pee-filled Pepsi bottles sitting on the curb. Pour them down the sewer.
  • Remember that your fellow citizens may not be as fortunate as you. Therefore, try not to step on the homeless as you rush by.
  • When in doubt, leave the last seat on the subway for the pregnant woman. After all, she may be an undercover cop.
  • No one likes to receive fruit cake.

If we all follow some simple rules and exercise courtesy, we New Yorkers can all feel better. In the words of Mayor for Life Bloomberg, “People are worried about the unknown. They are worried about things that they are unwilling to invest some time in and learn about.” Wait; was that Mayor Bloomberg or Criswell Predicts? Ah, same thing.

So remember everyone, simple courtesy and citizenship can reap great dividends in the long run. In the short run, using the Heimlich Maneuver on a cute blonde can get you arrested.

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