Tag Archives: IKEA

Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines, August 2014

3 Aug

August 3, 2014

Hello, Devoted Readers. I’m sure both of you will get a kick out of this. (I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know for a fact that I have more than two devoted readers. My great aunt and her sewing circle call me every Sunday morning to complain.)

Journalism is certainly taking a beating in recent years, and frankly it deserves it. Take these actual headlines which appeared this weekend on newser.com. (Their motto: We’re the meh of the internet.)

bad timing

“‘Bad Timing’ Wiped Out Dinosaurs. Asteroid Hit At Just The Wrong Time, Researchers Say.”

So when is the right time for an asteroid to hit? Maybe if it had hit at night, when all the dinosaurs were safely tucked in bed, they would have made it. Or maybe it if had hit on a weekday when the dinosaurs were in school, they could have done the old duck and cover and hidden under their desks. Too bad the asteroid had to hit on a sunny  summertime Saturday afternoon when all the dinosaurs were at the beach, no shelter in sight.


“Why Cannibalism Is Bad For Your Health”

I suppose it depends on whether you are the eater or the appetizer. Seriously, I can’t think of a situation where cannibalism would be good for your health.


“Woman Finds 80 Skeletons Crammed Into Ikea Bags. Gruesome Discovery Made in Swedish Church.”

I thought Ikea was a Swedish church. Whenever I buy something there, I pray it doesn’t fall apart.

But seriously, when the woman got home, she discovered that they were missing parts, two femurs and a metacarpal, plus she lost the little wrench Ikea uses to put everything together.



Offline and Off Target

9 Dec

December 9, 2013

The House of Blog is in disarray.

No, I don’t mean there is any political intrigue going on between the Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, I mean that literally: My house is a mess.

I need some furniture. Target is not where I would normally go to look for a dresser, but it had a couple of things going for it: 1- it was cheap and 2- it was cheap. Now I know that when most people think of cheap furniture they think Ikea, but want a dresser whose name I can pronounce in case I need to call up customer service.

“Hello, Ikea? Hi, I bought a dresser the other day and it was missing some parts. I need a drawer, the top, and one of the sides.”
“Right ma’am.”
“Sir. I’m a sir.”
“Thank you ma’am. What model dresser did you buy?”
“Umm, it says ‘schnoor, um, flargeen, something,’ there’s a ‘o’ with a line through it, an umlaut…, er…..”

So Target was the way to go. In addition to cheap I am also lazy so I went online. There’s nothing like buying a piece of furniture you have to assemble yourself from a small picture online. This is what I found.


Currently unavailable online.
Not sold in stores.

Do these dressers exist? What are they doing here? I thought the point of Target’s website was to sell merchandise, not tempt and tease you with things you can’t buy.

And one of the phantom dressers has a price so secret they won’t even tell you what it is.

C’mon Target. Shape up.

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