Allan Keyes: High-Class Dining, Low-Class Diner

June 3, 2013

AKA: My Dinner at Le Snotterie’ or “My Dinner with Alan Keyes”

My Dinner at Le Snotterie’ or “My Dinner with Alan Keyes”

Even though I personally prefer places where I can get my eats out of a cardboard box that has pull-off game pieces on it, I understand that other people actually want to be civilized and get a taste of the good life sometimes. So it was with that in mind that I decided to be a sport and treat my fiancée’ (THAT’S RIGHT! A FIANCEE!  A. KEYES IS ALL MAN BABY!) for her birthday and took her to one of the acknowledged best restaurants in NYC:  Jean Georges.  After all, she puts up with me, she deserves it!

I knew this was a classy joint (located in Trump building on Central Park West) since I was pointedly advised 2x when making my reservation that jackets were “required attire” in the dining room, and that sneakers (that word said in the tone of a Frenchman looking at a glass of Budweiser) “would not be permitted under any circumstances.” It was as if they knew what a creep I was just over the phone! Maybe addressing the girl on the end as “toots” was a tipoff?

So being a veteran low-classer, I walked into the restaurant in my little-used and ill-fitting suit, and my rarely worn shoes pinching my feet, ready and wary to do battle with the Upper West Side snots and highbrows whom I detested, and I was ready to do it all for love. And you know what?

IT ROCKED.

Treated like a king, the service was immaculate, the dining room tastefully done, beautiful view of the park. Attentive, knowledgeable service, and sneaky…..more on that later.

And the food?  OH. MY. GAWD.  Now I don’t hold with Shi-Shi frou-frou dishes, but this stuff was nearly impeccable. It took 2 and half hours,  and 5 courses off the Price Fixe menu, but it was all good. I present to you some of the most delicious food I have ever eaten or stolen off someone’s plate when they weren’t looking:

APPETIZERS :

PEA SOUP WITH PARMESAN FOAM, AND CHEDDAR CROUTON.  The red drink in the corner is a house-made soda, cherry yuzu and ginger ale. Beats a Coke!

CANADIAN-STYLE FOIE GRAS, WITH HOMEMADE GRANOLA AND SOUR CHERRIES (First time I ever tried foie gras…..DELICIOUS!)

PARMESAN CRUSTED WHITE ASPARAGUS IN LEMON-HERB VINAGRETTE. (The only disappointing note, asparagus was mushy, the sauce too acidic)

PARMESAN ENCRUSTED ORGANIC CHICKEN BREAST WITH VEGETABLES (This was the fiancée’s dish, and while there was nothing wrong with it, it was your basic chicken dish)

SEARED BEEF TENDERLOIN OVER A RAMP PUREE’ AND SERVED WITH GORGONZOLA PUFFS AND FONDUE. (I’m picky about how I eat my meat, I usually like it a nice dead grey with lots of charcoal, but I asked for this medium well. PERFECTLY cooked. I could pop those gorgonzola puffs like potato chips. I don’t know what ramps are but they make cream spinach taste like cream crap. The fondue is ok, but on the side. I saw some Asian guy pour that entire sauce over his steak, I wanted to go over and crack him out. Also, did I mention that the bread basket contained both sourdough and PRETZEL bread!??! How awesome is that?!)

AFTER DINNER SORBET “TARTLETS” TO CLEANSE THE PALATE.  (Passion Fruit, Pink Grapefruit and Red Wine. Kind of wasted on me but I suppose my palate was cleansed)

FIANCEE’S DESSERT: CHOCOLATE TASTING PLATE. LAVA CAKE, VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM, CHOCOLATE-CINNAMON SPONGECAKE, RED WINE SORBET W/ CHOCOLATE GANOSH, RHUBARB ICE CREAM.  (All delicious except for the red wine sorbet. Once it melted it tasted like crappy red wine. FEH.)

MY DESSERT:  THE CARAMEL TASTING PLATE.  PAIN PARDUE BANANAS FOSTER (*DROOOOOOL*), HAZELNUT PRALINE WAFER W/ CHOCOLATE, SALTED CARAMEL ICE CREAM AND BLACK PEPPER CARAMEL CREAM. (It sounds nuts but the black pepper caramel was amazing, in that BLACK PEPPER tasted good in a dessert.)

Anyway, the staff was sneaky. When we settled in, they asked us if this was our first time, and offhandedly, if it was a special occasion. We told them why and went on with discussing the menu with them.  And later on, they gave us this with dessert:

SOME SORT OF RASPBERRY CAKE (We didn’t have room to eat a bite and I forgot what the waitress said, I was too busy shoveling bananas foster down my throat)

Oh, and for shits and giggles they also bought to the table the following:

–          A tray of assorted petite-fours

–          Homemade marshmallow squares

–          Chocolate take-home mints in a swell JG monogrammed gift bag

Below, all of the various desserts before we destroyed them:

In related news, I’m going up a tux size for my wedding. I wonder why……

Tags: Allan Keyes, BANANAS FOSTER, CANADIAN-STYLE FOIE GRAS, Central Park West, CHEDDAR CROUTON, fine dining, FONDUE, food, fun with teh internets, GANOSH, GORGONZOLA PUFFS, GRANOLA AND SOUR CHERRIES, high-class, Jean Georges, marriage, PARMESAN CRUSTED WHITE ASPARAGUS IN LEMON-HERB VINAGRETTE, PARMESAN ENCRUSTED ORGANIC CHICKEN BREAST WITH VEGETABLES, PEA SOUP WITH PARMESAN FOAM, petite-fours, RHUBARB ICE CREAM, SEARED BEEF TENDERLOIN OVER A RAMP PUREE’, SORBET “TARTLETS”, Trump building