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The Celebrity Apprentice: Week One

19 Feb

February 19, 2012

For those of you who do not know, I recap American Chopper every week immediately after the show ends. Since Chopper and Apprentice were filmed simultaneously, there will be some overlap for the foreseeable future. For example, on last week’s American Chopper (and you can always get the most recent recap from the link on the right)  Donald Trump commissioned OCC to make a Trump bike and as long as Paul Teutul Sr. remains unfired you can get a double dose of The Donald on this blog tomorrow and every week.

THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS. Many, many spoilers.

As for this show, I already recapped the contestants and you can click here to find the rundown of all the players.

And now, The Celebrity Apprentice: Week One.

I am writing this as I watch this, which is more or less how I recap American Chopper, so this will be somewhat a stream of consciousness, though maybe not as detailed as my AC blogs- there is just so much I can do!

As we begin, I said in the past and repeat now, that I think Penn will easily win this. He is by far the smartest guy on the show.

Did they just call Adam Carolla an “internet pioneer”? Really? (I just did a check on line, he actually may be!)

Men’s Project Manager: PAUL TEUTUL SENIOR (YES!!!!!)
Men’s Team Name: UNANIMOUS

Women’s Team Manager: PATRICIA VELASQUEZ
Women’s Team Name: FORTE

Task: SELLING CELEBRITY SANDWICHES

During the men’s meeting, Adam Carolla wouldn’t shut up with the bad jokes, and Paul Sr. sat back with a fairly awkward grin on his face.  (Hey, at least he is wearing sleeves for once.) And who would expect Clay Aiken to be the most on-task? Good for him. Paul Sr. sort of wandered into the manager role but hopefully he will have a lot of good “idears.” Ivanka had some trouble believing he could bring in enough money.

On the women’s side, it already looks like Victoria Gotti will be the one that everyone hates the most, which is what I’d have guessed. She is already coming off pretty cranky and clearly has no respect for Patricia.

As we all know, the actual activity of the task is rarely as important as who can call who for how much money, and even before they talked about the task, they discussed who could call who for how much. Which is not to say that the tasks will not be good TV they usually are, but many tasks generally just come down to friends with deep wallets.

Aubrey O’Day: “Out of all the women on this team I have the most Twitter followers.” Isn’t it cute that she thinks that counts? I hope all those 13 year-old girls break open their Hello Kitty piggy banks for her.

Aubrey O’Day: “I have a tendency to be amazingly charming.” I cannot wait to see her accomplish nothing on this show. It was something to see her snatch the mic from Debbie Gibson to get in the spotlight sing with Wyclef Jean who came out to support the women. In the brief 50 minutes this show has been on she has shown that she has a lot of growing up to do.

Meanwhile, there is a George Takei vs. Paul Sr. feud brewing, and I for one am stoked. Paul seems to not know what George’s name is and keeps calling him “Star Trek.” George seems unimpressed by Paul. They are about as opposite as two guys can be. I am waiting for George to say something along the lines of “I didn’t let Bill Shatner push me around and I won’t let you!” I am also hoping Paul comes out with a few things like he’s called his son over the years.

George on Paul Sr.: “I see through him and I’m sure the others can too.” I bet Paul Jr. is rooting for George.

Sandwich day arrived and Victoria Gotti shows up late with some sort of eye injury. Uh huh.

Both teams are putting on a sideshow to get people into their stores but if it came down to watching Penn swallow fire or a kiss from a supermodel, sorry Penn.

Clay Aiken showed more aggressiveness than I thought he would, getting people to spend more than they wanted to. He might be a surprise in coming weeks.

Russell Simmons came into the women’s store and wanted to buy a sandwich for $10,000. The catch- it has to be a vegan sandwich. The women came up with something but Russell! This is for charity! Buy a turkey sandwich and give it away to somebody!

At the 10:00 mark, the men’s shop was empty, totally empty, at lunchtime. Things look bad for Paul Sr. but this show is rarely that obvious. The shop can be empty for two hours and when they reveal the totals the men might blow away the women by several thousand. Still, this show knows how to pump up the drama. Meanwhile, Adam Carolla is already planning to throw Paul Sr. under the bus.

So which two men end up promoting their sandwich on the Rachel Ray Show? Adam and Paul Sr.

10:10 comes and the moment we watch for every week, the boardroom. Even on the happiest teams no one can sow dissention like The Donald and he started with the women. He got Victoria on the defensive and ready to fight, which we all know she can do.

On the men’s side he asked who the biggest star was and Paul said Penn. (For his part, Penn said it was Paul.) Who was your weak link? “I didn’t have a weak player.” But when pushed, he said “George, or maybe Arsenio.” Why George? “He is just a meeker person by nature.” Oh my! George pointed out that he grew up in an internment camp and Donald cautioned him not to confuse quiet for meek. Paul apologized. Why Arsenio? “He was just a random pick, he did nothing wrong.”

Rachel Ray liked the men’s sandwich best and his charity got $30,000 from Cafe Metro. (Just as a personal note, I eat at a Cafe Metro near work fairly regularly and they make a great salad.)

Donald to Paul Sr.: “Do you consider yourself a great leader?”
Paul: “Absolutely.”

I want to see the Paul Junior Designs crew take on that one, Vinnie especially.

The Winner: THE MEN ($494,082)
Going To The Boardroom: PATRICIA, CHERYL, and VICTORIA

The men’s total included a single donation of $300,000 from someone Paul Sr. would not name. I have no special knowledge, but I would not be surprised if Jason Pohl was spotted making a large ATM withdrawal from Senior’s account.

Aubrey O’Day: “Working for Diddy taught me to be perfect.” I hope she sticks around, she is hilarious.

Just about everyone picked Victoria. Lisa Lampinelli singled her out for making personal business calls instead of working. Victoria lied and said she only called her kids but the tape proves otherwise. Cheryl was picked for being slow. Both allegedly brought in the least money on the team.

This is a tough boardroom since, other than the men, no one ever brought in as much money on the first challenge as this team did. Who would Patricia fire? Cheryl. “She was a little bit scattered.” Who would Victoria fire? Cheryl. Who would Cheryl fire? Victoria.

Cheryl: “I don’t know if this is right for me.” UH OH, you know what that means!?!?! Jeez, this is for charity! Fight, Cheryl, fight!

“Cheryl, you’re fired.”

And for some reason Victoria stuck around to fight with Donald, who told her to just get out of the boardroom.

Next week, the teams compete at Medieval Times. This should be good.

The funniest woman on The Apprentice!

Sneak Peek of the Week of February 19th, 2012

19 Feb

February 19, 2012

No one escapes Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride!

MONDAY- The Celebrity Apprentice is back and no one messes with Donald Trump. He’s kicked the New York Minute right out of the Monday slot this week.
TUESDAY- As always, American Chopper. Will we see Jason Pohl?  As sure as a five year-old pees in the pool, yes we will.
WEDNESDAY- The New York Minute settles into its new time slot, this time with a story about a man definitely not named Ray.
THURSDAY- A Picture Postcard taken by yours truly featuring urban renewal.
FRIDAY- Imponderable # 37.
SATURDAY- Saturday Comics features some old friends in a way you may not expect.

 

(And yes, I know the phrase is “no one expects the Spanish Inquisition” but it just didn’t quite make sense.)
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