Tag Archives: Walgreens

Imponderable #138: One Man’s Emergency

13 Jun

June 13, 2020

As I write this, New York has yet to begin its reopening from the coronavirus. We are in the grip of riots and looting that are being committed nightly. We are also enduring the mayorship of Bill “HAHAHAHA I thought I could be President” De Blassio.

Through this people have to endure, though personal tragedy and heartbreak still occur to all of us. Take this man. This is a true story.

I was in Walgreen’s today, a pharmacy. I heard (as did everyone else in the back of the store) a man, calmly but loudly, discussing with the pharmacist a medicine he desperately needed.

“I need my prescription! This is an antifungal cream. I put it on my penis every day!”

Yeah. He said that out loud.

The pharmacist, in a much quieter, more discrete voice, explained that it was too soon to refill the prescription.

“I need it. I use a lot of it!”

How’d the guy look? Schlubby to be honest.  7 out of 10 on the schlub scale. Did he look like a man who would need antifungal penis cream? That’s for better minds than I to determine. 

Why would a man need so much antifungal penis cream?

The question Is Imponderable. 

Disgustingly, disquietingly Imponderable.

 

 

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A Real Halloween Trick

1 Oct

October 1, 2017

It’s October 1st and this is it: Halloween is on the way. Think about it. The weather is turning chilly. The days are getting shorter. The ghouls and goblins are creeping closer and everyone is getting ready for Trick or Treating. Costumes! Candy! Greeting cards!

Greeting cards?

Yes greeting cards. It’s nothing new. Go into your local Rite Aid/Walgreen’s/CVS (there’s one on every block) and you’ll see something like this:

Who wants one of these? Since when is Halloween a card-giving holiday? It’s beyond me. Halloween is for going out and having fun. It’s in no way a religious holiday. It isn’t one to be marked and memorialized with a card lovingly signed by Aunt Bess (sorry Aunt Bess) wishing little Sean a happy day. But greeting cards, like all print products, are dying so the card companies are making everything a greeting card holiday. And that includes St. Patrick’s Day, whose tradition is beer, beer, and more beer, to the point that you can’t read a greeting card anyway.

SEAN O’CASEY: Ay, look ‘ere mates! A St. Patrick’s Day card from my dear sainted Aunt Bess!
PATRICK DOYLE: What’s it say, Sean me lad?
SEAN O’CASEY: It says “Wishing you-” BLEARRRGH!
PATRICK DOYLE: That’s a grand amount of Guinness decorating me boots, Sean me lad.

I’ll be man enough to admit that really little kids may like a card with a skeleton or ghost on it, but if you’re giving a kid over 12 years old a card, you’ve got to reevaluate how are living your life.

 

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