Tag Archives: Tom Hanks

Another Post Office Rant (2015)

22 Aug

August 22, 2015

So the post office lost my package. This should come as no surprise to anyone who:
A- has read this blog and all the posts about the lousy branch in my area
B- has ever been to a post office anywhere in the USA

I was expecting a package and tracked it online. The company sent it via FedEx (good) but FedEx only delivered it to my local post office, not to me (bad.) UPS has the same stupid service and I complained about it before. WHY would you hire an outside company to do ¾ of a job? Would a baker measure and mix all the ingredients of a cake and then send it to some other bakery to put in their oven? Would you hire Tom Hanks to star in ¾ of a movie and replace him with Adam Sandler for the last half hour? I just don’t get it.

Finding a dumb picture of Adam Sandler is ridiculously easy.

Finding a dumb picture of Adam Sandler is ridiculously easy.

So I went to my post office to complain. I brought the print out from the USPS website. It had the tracking number and whatever other information there was. And knowing that they’d ask, I wrote my name and address on the sheet. I’ve been through this before. The last time I was there the moron (sorry, no more Mr. Nice Blog) searched for 20 minutes to find my package, only to come back and ask for more information. The information turned out to be right in front of her. This time, after 20 minutes of searching, the same moron came back again for- you guessed it- more information.

You see, having the tracking number, sender, and my name and address simply wasn’t good enough. The information she wanted would surely crack this case. It was my first name. Stupid me, I only wrote my last name on the paper, thinking it would be enough. C’mon, am I seriously to believe that if she came across a box from the correct sender, with the correct tracking number, the correct address, and my correct last name, that she wouldn’t believe that was my package without my first name? As I said, this woman is a moron. And at any rate, the package wasn’t there, first name or not.

I asked for a supervisor. I got a “fill-in” supervisor who was slightly more helpful, but even the inanimate mailbox outside the post office was more helpful than the moron behind the window. (How many times can I call her a moron? Let’s see.)

The “fill-in” supervisor, who seems to be a permanent full-time fill-in since he’s been there every time I have, says they don’t have it. But they did have it at one time. They have a picture of the package as it passed through some machinery. And here’s my problem. The picture clearly shows that the label says “Carrier: Leave if addressee not home.” I have no idea why anyone would put that there. In fact, my post office almost never leaves me my packages. I get a slip and I have to pick it up at the post office. This situation with the lost package is exactly why I don’t want anything left. But my argument is that it wasn’t left by my door or even by my mailbox. We have a new mailman who has been leaving packages for my building in a wide open, unsecure lobby. So I am sure that someone just walked by and grabbed it. So everyone involved has an excuse and apparently no one is to blame, and the mailman will never admit where he left it, so I’m out $15. Not a big sum, but it’s my money and I don’t want to waste it.

The “fill-in” had only one option: file a claim on their website. You’d think you could file a claim with the post office at the post office, wouldn’t you? Oh, you silly goose, of course you can’t! Why would they make anything easy? Or logical?

Like Pierre D. Duck on Facebook!

Like Pierre D. Duck on Facebook!

Their website made me register and even though it claimed that my email was already registered, it also claimed that they could not give me my log in info because they could not verify the email address. To repeat, they could not verify the address they claimed was already registered on their site. What the F? So I registered with a different name and gave all kinds of info down to and including, I think, my shoe size. Then the tracking number I had, which I used before to track the package, suddenly wasn’t good enough, and I had to find the exact date it was shipped. After a lot of nonsense they told me that I couldn’t file a claim since I didn’t buy insurance. It was a lousy $15 order! The website never even gave me the option to buy insurance.

The post office lost my package and won’t do a thing about it.

So I went back to where I placed the order, ready to bite the bullet and buy another item, but now the discount code I used has expired and the $15 purchase now will cost me $37. Luckily I found a promo code online and brought the price down to $27. Of course, the reality is that the product is now costing me $27 plus the original $15 I lost, meaning I spent $42 instead of just $15.

USPS sucks.

Meanwhile, after I placed my new order, I heard back from the company. I had a day or so back told them the package was lost and could they do anything about it? They said “we’ll send you another right away.” No charge, no questions asked. So it’ll still cost me $42, but at least I’ll get double my order.

So what did I order to begin with?

Three customized Mr. Blog mousepads. And now I have six.

bmj2k mousepad

And it isn’t over.

I just got this notice about a different package I was expecting in the mail:

I am afraid that I must inform you the order has been returned to us by the postal system, due to being damaged in transit. This damage has resulted in the condition of your title being unacceptable to re-send.

I am starting to take this personally.

.

.

March Madness 2: Electric Boogaloo!

11 Mar

March 11, 2014

keyes

We have two of the final four set so far, in what has been an utterly exhausting marathon of Youtube viewing. I’ve done this because I’m dedicated, because I’m driven….but mostly because I’m bored. I had planned to weigh in on both the hipster beard transplant and monocle stories before Mr. B did, but I couldn’t get past typing “die die die die die die die” on my keyboard before needing to bite down on a stick due to a rage seizure.

Speaking of seizure! These next bracket busters will give you just that because we have some of the most awful entries in this tourney right here. As the great poet Randy M.M. Savage once stated “Snap into a Slim Jim!”  You know what I mean!

Bracket 4

Family Matters (“The Gun”) 

vs. Fresh Prince of Bel Air (“Just Say Yo”) 

OH DAMN! THIS IS GONNA BE SETTLED BY A YOU-GOT-SERVED STYLE DANCE OFF! So let me give the synopsis behind this EPIC feud:  On Family Matters, the daughter narrowly misses getting beat down by a gang and decides to buy a gun to defend herself. Why she didn’t ask her daddy for help I’ll never know. The fat bastid did a great job of snuffing that terrorist in Die Hard.   Oh yes, Urkel raps about gun control, in a clip that the NRA should be using to make guns seem even more cooler than they are.

On the other side, Will is taking uppers for some reason, presumably to prove that he has more street cred than Jazzy Jeff. Anyway, he accidentally gives Carlton uppers with hospitalization hilarity ensuing.

So…..LETS DANCE THIS OFF BEEOTCHES!

SERVE:

COUNTER SERVE:

And the winner………….strangely enough, FONZIE! 

The Undercard:  Diff’rent Strokes (“The Hitchhikers”)

vs Mr. Belvedere (“The Counselor”)

FINALLY. Kimberly is all grown up an HAWT. Hotter than Jean Stapleton that’s for sure. Anyway, this is probably the hottest of all Diff’rent strokes episodes. Cruel tease Kimberly hitches a ride with the wrong man, and we finally get the promise of some hot Dana Plato action before her inevitable death. She’s held captive in a lucky gentleman’s home and he’s aiming to get him some, until lousy rat Arnold escapes and leads the police to the crib, spoiling all the fun for him (and for us) I’m sorry but I can’t imagine any boy over the age of 12 watching this episode and not hoping to see some “Diff’rent strokes” – if you get my drift heh heh. But it aired on CBS, not Cinemax so we were out of luck. On a side note…..what the eff is it with the Drummond kids? They’re always getting kidnapped or whatnot. What’s the point of money if it doesn’t insulate you from the riff-raff?? Then again, the Drummonds seem to like the riff-raff – he married that had Dixie Carter didn’t he?

 As for Mr. Belvedere, first of all let me pat myself on the back for my tag line “Ensign Wesley Toucher” bwah hahahahaha….. Anyway, we also get the promise of some HOT action when cruel tease Wesley is rubbed provocatively by a camp counselor. But Wesley is confused. What to do? If he squeals he may be an outcast! The lousy rat eventually spills the beans, ruining all the fun.  When asked how he was doing after his ordeal, Wesley had the classic line “Well, I got molested. But other than that, pretty good!”

bleah

Now watch the excruciating promo for this episode:

Am I the only one left with the impression that both Bob Ueker and Christopher Hewitt are going to double-team beatdown the molestor after the fade to black???  

 I gotta tell you…..these were some sexy episodes. And while both will go into the old spank bank (Yes, I have some issues and yes I’m going to hell) like the Highlander, there can only be one:

Winner……. Mr. Belvedere!

BRACKET CHAMPIONSHIP:

FONZIE vs Mr. Belvedere.

No contest. Not at all.

BRACKET WINNER:  FONZIE  (?!??!?!?!)…………..um….. ok.

Fonzie?

Fonzie?

BONUS: FAMILY MATTERS RAW! I never knew this existed, and I’m fluent in racist. This one actually shocked even me: 

 

Next time:  “Edna’s Edibles” Bracket to round out the final four!!!

.

.

%d bloggers like this: