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Tag Archives: talk show

John Newly Has A Crush (Lying Awake with John Newly #10)

25 Jun

June 25, 2015

ANNOUNCER: That’s the news at 1 am, more news at the top of the hour

Eerie sci-fi music starts, goes on for almost 3 ½ minutes

ANNOUNCER: This is Lying Awake with John Newly. And here’s your host, John Newly.

Thank you! Tonight we are privileged, honored and privileged, actually, to have as our first and only guest, one of our Lying Awake favorites. And just between you and me, she’s one of my favorites too. We’re going to talk numerology with Linda McCandles. Let’s jump right in. Hi Linda!

-Hi John! So great to be back!

Linda, I just love the nights that we have you on!

-That must be why I’m on almost every week!

Oh Linda, you are so smart, and so beautiful! We’ve got your picture up on the Lying Awake website so our listeners can see you too. They can print out your picture if they want to. I’ve got it taped up over my microphone.

-Well, ok. (nervous laugh)

THE DATING GAME

Let’s talk about the Presidential election. I understand you have some unique numerological insights.

-That’s right John. I’ve found that if you were to add the numbers in the birthdays of any President, then divide it by the number of months he was in office, the number you produce is even almost half of the time.

Really? That must mean something.

-Yes! And what’s more amazing is that it works regardless of if the President was a Republican or a Democrat.

Wow, I guess that goes to show you that we really are all the same, no matter what we believe. This proves the brotherhood of man, don’t you think?

-I do!

Linda, whenever I have you on, my thoughts always come back to love. Can we talk about that?

-Um, ok…

What number- and it has to be a number found in numerology, right? What number found in numerology is a good love number?

– Well John, 8 is always a signifier of new love.

Linda, I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s 8 minutes after 1 right now.

-My clock says 1:12.

No, no, it’s 1:08. I just set my watch to that. I made it 1:08.

love-time-clock-23589301

-Yes, yes, well… oh! Did you know that if you want to know how lucky a year will be, you just need to add up the numbers in the year?

Hmm, let’s try that. This is 2015. So that’s 2 plus zero, that’s zero, no, I mean two. And then you add 1 and 5 or should I add them together and make 15?

-You should add 2 plus 1 plus 5.

OK, just give me a second………………………………………. What’s that? My producer tells me that he’s done it and those numbers all add up to 8. And you know what that means Linda, hmm?

-Sure, it means that this will be a year of change.

Love, you mean love.

-No, we’re doing the luck calendar. Eight is a number of unlucky change.

But we came up with the number of love a few minutes ago. Eight!

-Numerology is-

FINE! My buttinsky producer Fast Eddie tells me that we are very late to go to commercial and we have to take a break. And when we come back, we’ll talk more about this big number eight controversy and maybe even make some diner plans with Linda. What? Eddie, stop talking to me while I’m trying to talk to Linda. No, no, I told you my wife is very sick. We’re separated, going to get a divorce. It’s an open marriage. I really want to talk to Linda about this, maybe plan a trip to Maine with her. I bought her this lace-

-John?

What? We’re still on? You heard that? Eddie, go to commercial!

 

 

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Newly News (Lying Awake With John Newly #9)

1 May

May 1, 2015

Strange Theremin music plays in the background and continues for 45 long seconds. Music fades.

ANNOUNCER: This is Lying Awake with John Newly. Lying Awake airs seven nights a week across the country and spans the globe via the internet. Here’s your host, John Newly.

Hello, hi, and how are you? This is Lying Awake with John Newly and I’m John Newly, and you’re listening to Lying Awake with me, John Newly.There’s a lot going on in the news and we’ll jump right in to the big stories of the day, right after this.

-Commercial for Albert Moss Prepared Gourmet Survival Meals and Fine Wines.

-Promo for WKAT-AM charity Bootblack Blowout and BBQ Brunch. Bootblacks will be on hand to blacken your boots and baste your BBQ for a small donation.

ANNOUNCER: We’re back with more Lying Awake with John Newly. Here’s John Newly.

Radio_Times_5_Dec_1954

OK, let’s get right to today’s top headlines from around the country and around the world and even around the cosmos. NASA says that a meteor will pass so close to the Earth this week that it will actually be closer to Earth than the moon. With me now is our Lying Awake science professor-at-large, William C. Bogey. William, should we be alarmed about this meteor hitting the Earth?

-Hello John. Let me tell you and the audience that NASA has been LYING TO YOU! There is NO meteor heading for Earth! This is all a plot to cover up the secret alien moon bases. They’re distracting us with all this meteor nonsense to keep us from talking about the real space discoveries, like the cowboy hat the Mars rover photographed last week, or the fossilized painting of William Shatner that Neil Armstrong found on the moon. There are alien bases all over the solar system and let me tell all your listeners, John, that NASA will NEVER tell you the truth!

Wow, I always learn something new when we have William C. Bogey on. You can find his website at BigWillieStyle.com. Also in the news, a new study shows that that eating too much sugary candy can be bad for you. On the line is nutritionist Zelda Rumstock. Zelda, is it true what they say, that too much sugary candy can be bad for you?

-Yes.

In Missouri, a man panning for gold in a lake behind his house found something better than gold. He found a fossil of a rare clam. Gosh, I wonder if there was a whole prehistoric seafood dinner down there. Wouldn’t that be something? You can see all the pictures on our website. LyingAwakeOnline.com. While you’re there, take a look at my tour schedule. Next week, I’m going to be in Osaka Japan, Alberta Canada, The Falkland Islands, and someplace called “update your passport.” Oh, that’s a note to myself.

Coming up in our second hour, my guest will be Otto Mullich, a professor of psychology who claims that he has perfected the safest way to travel beneath the ocean without using expensive and bulky submarines. I’ll be back after the break. I’m John Newly and this is Lying Awake with John Newly.

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