John Newly Has A Crush (Lying Awake with John Newly #10)

25 Jun

June 25, 2015

ANNOUNCER: That’s the news at 1 am, more news at the top of the hour

Eerie sci-fi music starts, goes on for almost 3 ½ minutes

ANNOUNCER: This is Lying Awake with John Newly. And here’s your host, John Newly.

Thank you! Tonight we are privileged, honored and privileged, actually, to have as our first and only guest, one of our Lying Awake favorites. And just between you and me, she’s one of my favorites too. We’re going to talk numerology with Linda McCandles. Let’s jump right in. Hi Linda!

-Hi John! So great to be back!

Linda, I just love the nights that we have you on!

-That must be why I’m on almost every week!

Oh Linda, you are so smart, and so beautiful! We’ve got your picture up on the Lying Awake website so our listeners can see you too. They can print out your picture if they want to. I’ve got it taped up over my microphone.

-Well, ok. (nervous laugh)


Let’s talk about the Presidential election. I understand you have some unique numerological insights.

-That’s right John. I’ve found that if you were to add the numbers in the birthdays of any President, then divide it by the number of months he was in office, the number you produce is even almost half of the time.

Really? That must mean something.

-Yes! And what’s more amazing is that it works regardless of if the President was a Republican or a Democrat.

Wow, I guess that goes to show you that we really are all the same, no matter what we believe. This proves the brotherhood of man, don’t you think?

-I do!

Linda, whenever I have you on, my thoughts always come back to love. Can we talk about that?

-Um, ok…

What number- and it has to be a number found in numerology, right? What number found in numerology is a good love number?

– Well John, 8 is always a signifier of new love.

Linda, I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s 8 minutes after 1 right now.

-My clock says 1:12.

No, no, it’s 1:08. I just set my watch to that. I made it 1:08.


-Yes, yes, well… oh! Did you know that if you want to know how lucky a year will be, you just need to add up the numbers in the year?

Hmm, let’s try that. This is 2015. So that’s 2 plus zero, that’s zero, no, I mean two. And then you add 1 and 5 or should I add them together and make 15?

-You should add 2 plus 1 plus 5.

OK, just give me a second………………………………………. What’s that? My producer tells me that he’s done it and those numbers all add up to 8. And you know what that means Linda, hmm?

-Sure, it means that this will be a year of change.

Love, you mean love.

-No, we’re doing the luck calendar. Eight is a number of unlucky change.

But we came up with the number of love a few minutes ago. Eight!

-Numerology is-

FINE! My buttinsky producer Fast Eddie tells me that we are very late to go to commercial and we have to take a break. And when we come back, we’ll talk more about this big number eight controversy and maybe even make some diner plans with Linda. What? Eddie, stop talking to me while I’m trying to talk to Linda. No, no, I told you my wife is very sick. We’re separated, going to get a divorce. It’s an open marriage. I really want to talk to Linda about this, maybe plan a trip to Maine with her. I bought her this lace-


What? We’re still on? You heard that? Eddie, go to commercial!




Have something to say? Let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: