Tag Archives: Santa claus

Two Minutes in Canada

25 Jul

July 25, 2014

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Americans have always looked towards Canada with fear and mistrust. But all that worry really just hides our own national insecurity. If Canada is America’s funny hat, what does it say about us? Why would we, as a nation, wear such a hat? Is America hiding a bald spot? Is it a hipster?

Fear not, Americans, the good ol’ US of A still has a full head of hair. It turns out that Canada is more than just a geographic chapeau; it has a rich history all its own, one that many of us who live under the Canadian brim are not aware of.

Being so far north, Canada has more than its share of hardships: Ice, snow, even many people who speak French. And worst of all, despite being so far north, Santa Claus shows it no special treatment and usually delivers Canadian presents last, on his way back to the North Pole.

But what do we learn about Canada in school? Fur trading. Canada has a lot of fur traders. At least it did back when the text books took place.

First, Americans traded with the Native American Indian* trappers.
Then, they traded with French fur traders.
December 10, 1984: New York Mets traded Hubie Brooks to the Montreal Expos for Gary Carter.

*Notice they don’t call them “Native Canadian Indians.”

Why was there so much trapping in Canada? Beavers. There were so many beaver dams in Canada that in 1833, official records show that a full 63% of Canada was underwater.

FUN FACT: The Montreal Expos were named after the expo, a small burrowing mammal hunted to extinction by French fur traders.

 

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Fun With Teh Internets: Crying Kids WIth Santa (Christmas 2013)

23 Dec

December 23, 2013

What would Christmas be without our resident Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge, all rolled up in one? Yep, it is our own Allan Keyes, from last year with a montage of his favorite Christmas images.

December 17, 2012

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He sees you when you’re sleeping…..he’s kinda creepy actually.

Bringing your children to see Santa Claus is a time-honored tradition. The kids wait with breathless anticipation for the chance to rattle off all the toys they want Santy to bring them : A pony, a football, a Red Ryder BB Gun, a dollie, some Dockers, an Ipad, a crossbow, Knicks season tickets, a subscription to  The Economist, and the complete Sanford and Son on Blu-Ray (these are some interesting kids!)

What can be more American than that? How heartwarming, how heartstring-tugging. How cute! So of course, since I’m a dirtbag, we’re going in the total opposite direction. BAZINGA!

Fun With Teh Internets:  CRYING KIDS WITH SANTA

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Mom, forgive me but I HAVE to comment here. This poor child is not only being scarred for life, but he looks an awful lot like Don Knotts:

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She’s crying because this is a pathetic attempt at being a Santa. HINT: Just because you may have a beard already doesn’t excuse you from wearing a REAL FAKE beard. And put on the red suit also will ya? God, put a little effort into it man

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Looks like SOMEONE is getting a visit from the ghost of Christmas future! (PS- A Christmas Carol absolutely sucks, unless it’s the Mr. Magoo version, or Captain Picard is starring in it)