Tag Archives: Phoenix

Imponderable #86: Phoenix Arizona

22 Mar

March 22, 2013

I am a sports fan. (Except for basketball. Other than the pick and roll I have no patience for a game that goes an hour, the teams score over a hundred points, and a game is typically won by les than ten points. Seems to me this could have been decided in ten minutes. Even hard-core fans tell you that the first half, if not first three quarters, are a waste of time.)

Baseball is my game, followed by hockey. Living in New York, I can tell you that there is no better sports experience than seeing the Rangers at Madison Square Garden. Even if the Hockey Ron-jays (any Steve Sommers fans out there?) getting blown out there is no better place to watch a game. Soon the Islanders are moving to my neck of the woods (Brooklyn) but I’m still going to be loyal to the Broadway Blues.

A lot better than being a Phoenix Coyotes fan.

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I wish more businesses operated that way. Mayor/Mommy/Asshat Bloomberg wants to ban big sodas? Why bother? Just make it more profitable for the big soda companies to not sell soda. Assault weapon ban? Why? Just pay the gun companies to not sell guns. Think of all the money they’d save when they could close all those factories.

I have been not selling guns for years. Time for me to make some money at it. Come to think of it, I have also not been putting a hockey team on the ice either. Why should Phoenix get all the cash? Pay me for not putting on a hockey game.

This is America. Most people get paid by the government for not working anyway. Why should the Coyotes be any different?

The question is Imponderable.

Phoenix%20Coyotes

American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: Old Rivals

21 Nov

November  21, 2011

The next big made-up event starts this week as motorcycle builder and noted dirtbag Jesse James “challenges” both OCC and PJD. Jesse James must have a good agent. Lord knows he doesn’t have a good therapist. He’ll fit right in.

As has been covered extensively on this site for the last few weeks, PJD continues the 9/11 bike. For those of you who may have missed it, here it is again.

The build continues on the 9/11 bike throughout the show, but I feel like we all know how it comes out so forgive me if I skip the details.

OCC continues the al-Qaeda bike, also known as the Arabian Horse Bike. I haven’t seen anything this silly since Chavo Guerrero’s little stick pony.

This is what the "Arabian Horse Bike" reminds me of.

While OCC waits for parts for the horsey bike, they go to Grainger, a tool company, to get free stuff, shill for them, and plug. I mean get ideas for a bike. Noticeably absent on a trip to see the clients and get ideas for their bike is Jason Pohl, the OCC “drawer.” Hey, why would the guy who designs the bikes need to meet the clients and see what they sell?

Senior: “It is a complicated bike because Jason has pipes criss-crossing each other, and you can’t have pipes crossing each other because the bike will never run.” So Mike had to come up with a work-around. JEEZ JASON, learn something about bike building! It is your career!

Jason: “Hey I’m a horse! And I’m a gas tank!” Yeah, he said that at the unveil. The tank looks like a horse with a spike running through its head.

Enter Jesse James. He related some strange, curse-filled dream about him and Paul Senior fishing or something, it made no sense. Oh man, this guy is a wreck. He makes Mikey sound smart.

He compared the Teutuls to cake designers. They don’t make the batter, or mix the mix, they just decorate the cakes, the bikes. Yeah, a lot of people have said that, but look at this episode and say that about Paulie’s bike. You can’t. So of course Jesse James decided to send them pornographic cakes. If the effect he wanted was to make himself look like a tool,  he achieved his goal.

Is he still sober?

He said a lot of other things about Paulie and Senior, and a little of it made sense, and a lot of it sounded like he was stupid or high or both. I won’t comment on his bikes until I see the one he makes for the build-off, but I hope he builds better than he talks.

The producers had nothing important for Mikey to do this week so he conducted an investigation into the cake.

(Right about this point, I have to ask myself what happened to the show I used to love? Lousy horsey bikes? Jesse James and porno cakes? And more Jason Pohl? Where did this show go wrong?)

If you ever need a funny sound bite, get the clip of Mayor Bloomberg talking motorcycles.

 

NEXT WEEK
Get ready!
You won’t believe what’s coming!
It’s…..

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…another clip show.
Seriously? Another one already? This is getting near bait and switch territory.

BEST PRANKS Nov. 28, 2011
Dummies come to life, spitballs fly and air horns blast in this behind-the-scenes special. But what’s a workplace without air-gun war, scooter jousting and helicopter drops?