Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

October 11, 2013

It is getting harder and harder to deny it, ladies. All men are pervs. Anything and everything is an excuse to try to defile a woman. Even this blog is the world’s most pathetic excuse to get into a woman’s pants. “Hey, baby. I’m Mr. Blog. Wanna take a tepid ride?” Unless you guessed never, you’d be surprised how often that works.

I have to be honest, I don’t quite see what happened here. (That’s a pun! Get it? He’s an optometrist and “I don’t quite see!” Hey Ladies, that the patented Mr. Blog humor right there. Now take off your top.)

But seriously, in addition to being a pervert, he must also be the world’s worst optometrist. The article says that he took the women to a room and fiddled his violin (I think that’s classier than saying he jerked off, don’t you?) “after he fitted the female with contact lenses.” Since the women couldn’t see what he was doing (one woman “got the feeling something wasn’t right”) the contacts must obviously have sucked.

“When you go to visit a professional office such as a doctor, the last thing you literally expect to see is this.” OK, true, but the women couldn’t see it! The contacts sucked! In addition to going to jail, the guy should also go back to medical school.

On the other hand, the good doctor may get off easy. The sheriff’s office is “encouraging other patients who may have witnessed inappropriate behavior” to come forward. I don’t think anyone will. They couldn’t see!

Or maybe he just had a really tiny penis.

Did this jerk off (HA! Another pun!) really expect to get away with this?
The question is Imponderable.

Tags: bad puns, bmj2k, contact lenses, crazy eyes, imponderable, materbation, Michigan, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's, Mr. BTR, News of the Weird, Optometrist, penis, puns, Robert Emmett Deck III, Sheriff Michael Bouchard