Tag Archives: Metropolis

DC Comics: Why Hasn’t This Happened Yet?

15 May

May 16, 2022

SCENARIO # 1

Superman saves Metropolis from a satellite falling out of orbit. He deposits the wreckage in Shuster Park, where he uses his super strength to mold the metal into a modern art sculpture.

Later that night, Lex Luthor lifts some fingerprints from the sculpture, and uses his evil computer to run the prints through every database on Earth.

Ten seconds later, a match. “Clark Kent is Superman!”

Shouldn’t Superman wear gloves?

SCENARIO # 2

Batman defeats Bane after a vicious slugfest in front of City Hall. Bane’s strength nearly proves too much for Batman, breaking several bones and covering Batman in his own blood.

Bane is taken to jail, Batman returns to his cave, and CSU arrives to examine the crime scene.

“Hey,” thinks one of the crime scene techs., “Batman’s blood is all over the street. I wonder…”

A few hours later, the tech runs Batman’s DNA and finds a match. “Bruce Wayne is Batman!”

Shouldn’t Batman clean up his own mess?

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One Day in Metropolis (JLA Blog 1)

9 Nov

November 9, 2017

With the impending release of the Justice League movie, which I fully expect to be mediocre at best, I re-present my better, and more realistic, take on Superman. 

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August 15, 2014

Tourist: Look!

Man: Wha?

Tourist: Look! Up in the sky!

Man: Get outta my way, I’m walkin’ here.

Tourist: Seriously, look in the sky!

Woman: I think it’s a bird or something, I dunno, like an owl.

Man: That guy’s nuts.

Tourist: Look! In the sky!

Woman: Now it kinda looks like a plane. It’s just a plane.

Man: Jeez, I’m supposed to get all excited over a bird? This is Metropolis, try to not see a bird or a plane.

Tourist: It’s Superman!

Woman: That’s all? I’m late for my appointment.

Tourist: But it’s Superman!

Man: Let me tell you something about this Superman, pal. Maybe you wazzn’t here back then, but when Brainiac got a mad on and wanted to kill Supes he didn’t go to no Pittsburgh. He showed up right here and stood right in Shuster Square, daring Supes to hit him right in the kisser. Traffic was tied up for miles. Think I got to work that day? No I did not. Lost my job over that. And unemployment don’t take “lost my job cuz of Brainiac” and pay off a jackpot.

Tourist: But what about Lex Luthor, huh? Superman kept him from destroying the Boring Building.

Man: Yeah, but not before Luthor ripped up half the block. Yeah, Superman saved the Boring Building, but what about the Good Chops Diner down the block? They’ve been closed for three weeks tryin’ ta fix it up. My wife used to work there. Let me tell you, there ain’t no work there now.

Tourist: Well, ok, I’m sorry, but wow, look at him. Don’t you wish you could fly like him?

Man: Yeah, I’d fly away to a place where I ain’t got no bills. MetroBank don’t let you pay off your credit cards with Daily Planet coupons.

Tourist: Oh, yeah, I see…

Man: Yeah, great, now you see. You think about that while I’m on line for food stamps. See ya around, I’m late already.

 

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