Tag Archives: fun with teh internets

Fun With Teh Internets: Quick Hits

28 Jan

January 28, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m contractually obligated to Mr. B for one page of stuff per week. This week, I couldn’t quite put all of the rage I feel into one coherent piece, so I’m taking the easy way out and going all stream of consciousness and stuff…..ok, I’m half-assing it really, but let’s all be honest here – my full-assed efforts probably aren’t much better!

This Commercial Annoys Me….

Let’s get this straight.  The flying waitresses are incredulous about…… a phone app. NOT a talking, intelligent pig. About an app that is actually so common, everyone has at least one.  Some commercials are so stupid as to insult the viewer. This is one such commercial. You can ask Mr. Blog, I often watch commercials so mind-numbingly stupid that I basically put a fatwah on everyone involved with it in any way.

 Speaking of Annoying….
Nobody ruins a baseball game like FOX.  ESPN is close, but FOX sets the bar lowest. And the main reason for that is loudmouth Tim McCarver. I’ve never listened to anyone as unknowledgeable about baseball as him, and that includes Joe Morgan and my 3 yr. old cousin. There’s a reason he was fired by BOTH the Mets and Yanks. I remember one inane thing he must’ve said about twenty times during the ’85 season – something he thought was the height of wit. “Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?” To which I always answered the television with “die.”  I plan on outliving this clown for spite.

mccarver

What I’m Watching….

They may not look like much, but these are REAL men. They gave up their lives and families and basically headed to Alaska to strike it rich mining for gold:

gold rush

Of course, these guys are also kind of screw-ups in a lot of ways. They don’t know what they’re doing so it’s always one problem or another with them. That said, it’s fascinating to watch the process, the machinery, and just to see how much effort goes into finding even one ounce of precious, precious gold. And “Dakota Fred” – a crusty old miner who doesn’t take any guff – makes this show. Highly recommended!

Most Hardcore Father Ever….

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258877/Chinese-father-hires-virtual-hitman-kill-son-online-games–job.html

It’s not quite what you think. Basically, poor Mr. Feng’s son was a layabout no-account lazy bum who wouldn’t tear himself away from his video games long enough to get a job. So he did what any loving father would do: hired better players to constantly find his son’s presence online and kill him straightaway on the premise that if he kept getting pwn3d like a noob, he’d quit and find a job and become productive member of the ruling party.  Of course, the plan didn’t work out, but it was a worthy try. I’d have just smashed the computer myself, but Dif’rent Strokes (RIP Conrad Bain) and such.

What I’m Reading….

Books? What are those?????

Fun With Teh Internets: I R DOING IT WRONG

14 Jan

January 14, 2013

keyes1.jpg

Was interwebbing the last week and ran across this image, couldn’t stop laughing. (Hopefully you watch Pawn Stars to get it)                       ps

So being a monkey-see, monkey-do kinda guy, I was inspired to try to create my own memes! I worked REALLY hard on them but for some reason nobody liked them – lots of downvotes. For the life of me I can’t understand why these didn’t work – they’re gold! Pure gold!

MY FIRST ATTEMPT: 1

It’s historic, it’s smart, and it ties into the Lincoln movie!  It has everything you’d want in a meme, yes? But I thought maybe something more lighthearted would go over better….

TRYIN’ TO BE HIP: 2

It’s a freaking classic! Maybe I should’ve gone with my gut and used “Oh You Kid!” like I really wanted. Oh well, back to the drawing board…..

GETTING CURRENT: 3

This should’ve been the one! “Don’t Taze Me Bro” was hi-larious! So what if I had a little trouble using the meme generator on this one?  But ok – let’s recalibrate here. What if a smooth catchphrase isn’t the best way to go? What if people want to know what’s what? I could be reaching……by teaching!

EDUCATIN’ THE MASSES:

4

It’s TRUE! It was a great movie! When that fat kid got stuck in the chocolate waterfall tube? I snorted so hard Coke Zero blew out my nose. And that hurts, believe me! Just ignore the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp abomination. That film can suck an oompa-loompa if you get my drift, and I know you do!

LET’S JUST GET EDGY:

 5

It’s true, I did email them. The good people at Quickmeme should be expecting a phone call from the Aflac legal counsel within the next few days. That’ll teach them to downvote me! However, I was undeterred, and continued to churn out meme fail after meme fail until, finally…………

SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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