New York can sometimes seem like a city of non-stop progress to those who don’t live here, but to New Yorkers, it is less a city of gleaming skyscrapers and more of a city of hidden enclaves. This is one of the not-so hidden ones. Most people have heard of Little Italy in Manhattan, but the Bronx boasts its own little Italy, on a stretch of Arthur Avenue. As I was walking down the avenue, I spotted an interesting sign down the street and sprinted over to see it up close. This is a very old 7up sign, on 187th street two blocks off Arthur Avenue.
There just aren’t many old signs like that left in the city, and the ones you do find often aren’t intact. I don’t know if this still lights up, and unfortunately I may never know as the luncheonette it is attached to is closed and empty, for sale. Luncheonettes are also a dying breed.
Here is the full street scene:
And here’s a dramatic shot of the other side of the sign, showing that both sides are intact:
And here’s a bonus. Last week, the iconic Kentile sign by the Gowanus canal and BQE highway in Brooklyn was lit up for the first time in years. This sign has been unlit for decades, but a tech company aimed lasers at it and lit it up from a distance for one night only. This isn’t just an old sign lit up again, this is an old sign lit up by focused laser beams.
So no column lately, as I’ve recently relocated to a new hovel and have been experiencing the joys of married life. Apparently the stereotypes are true, and I can confirm: rolling pins HURT. So do frying pans. And since my wife has freakish bicep strength, I can report that having a bridge chair winged at your head to revenge repeated 3:00AM nacho cheese and salt & vinegar Utz gassers hurts also. Just sayin’ is all. TOTALLY IN LOVE!
Anyway, why do I break my marital-bliss imposed silence? To vent about the stupidest ads I’ve ever seen on the subway. My friends, I give you Lucas, the world’s biggest loser!
Other inanities that Lucas indulges in include paying his rent and (sadly, not able to find a pic and too lazy to take one for proof…) LOVES MAGIC.
(Mr. BTR breaking in here. If I am ever on the subway and I see this guy, I am going to punch him in the mouth. Back to you, Allan.)
So let’s just see what we have here: we have a guy who pays his rent, who likes to dance, who likes to do Yoga, who loves magic (swearsies!) So who is this lame named Lucas? Well it’s obvious to me….he’s HERB, THE LAST MAN ON EARTH WHO HASN’T TRIED A WHOPPER trying to act cool.
I shouldn’t rag on Herb really – he had some serious WWF cred: (Per Wikipedia): The World Wrestling Federation had Herb appear as a guest timekeeper during the boxing match between Roddy Piper and Mr. T at WrestleMania 2 at the Nassau Coliseum on April 7, 1986. Clara Peller, the star of the “Where’s the beef?” commercials from Wendy’s, also appeared at the event, working as guest timekeeper during a battle royal.
VINCE MCMAHON IS MY HERO
Don’t tell me you can’t see it. A fake wig, lose the glasses, grow one of those pathetic “I don’t have enough testosterone to get proper facial coverage beards and you have Lucas!
Anyway, I’ve been informed that theory is wrong, and that Herb Lucas is hawking something called Venmo, which I don’t know what it is, I don’t know what it does, but I do hope that every single person involved with it goes bankrupt and ends up on the breadlines. Do we have breadlines anymore? I’m informed by my wife that we don’t. Ok, I hope we re-open breadlines specifically so the Venmo team has to wait on them. And they should be made to wait a good long time. In frigid weather.
(Mr. BTR again. Judging from all we know about Lucas, I suspect Venmo is some sort of erectile dysfunction medicine, or maybe something really cool, like a fancy top hat or chapeau.)
I’m not the only one on the interwebz to see and detest these ads:
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
Your Comments