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A Good Old-Fashioned Polar Vortex

22 Jan

January 22, 2014

We had another one of those polar-vortex/bombogenesis things today, just like they had in the good ol’ days when they called these things what they are: snowstorms.

As a public service, I took to Facebook to give updates and helpful tips to the masses.

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7 am: The snow is coming today.

Tip #1- In Brooklyn, it is acceptable to decorate your snowman with empty cans of motor oil and cigarette butts.

 

9 am: It is snowing out.

Tip #2: If you stand outside and try to catch a snowflake on your tongue, you may also catch a dog peeing on your leg.

 

12 pm: The snow is getting harder.

Tip #3: Your local McDonald’s now has 14 homeless guys sitting around the play area.

 

1:30 pm: The snow is getting deeper.

Tip #4: Deep snow can cover a lot of dog poop, so step carefully

 

5 pm: The snow is going to continue all night.

Tip#5: It’ll be dark out. Turn on some lights.

 

8 pm: The snow continues.

Tip #6: So does Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We all have our personal Hells.

 

If I saved just one life it will have been worth it.

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Old-School Fashion: Never In Fashion

21 Jan

January 21, 2014

I usually hate to admit that there are other websites out there. There’s Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, The Christian Science Monitor, and lots and lots of naughty naughty sites. But I have to be honest, sometimes, just this once, and say that yes, I do go to other sites. For example, I followed a Facebook link to Awkward Family Photos. The best I can say about them is that they used to be a lot funnier. But I was bored and around the fourth of fifth page I found this old article. (No, not an old-time article “ye,” but a newspaper article.)

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Wow, remember when little televisions were cool and state of the art? And an AM/FM radio too? Awesome! But the sasquatch on the left? Never in style. He is clearly wearing a dog on his head. And the rest of the outfit? Obviously from the Herb Tarlek Collection at Mr. Polyester.

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Laugh if you will, but that style is not limited to real or imagined newsmen.

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