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In other words…

28 Jan

January 28, 2014

Architects are not known for their grammar. Mainly they grunt, with a flat pencil gripped between their teeth. But I think they should speak up a little more, since they could really help out the lexicon.

You’ve all heard the expression “as long as you live under my roof… ,” and I’m sure you’ve heard some variation of “it won’t leave these four walls.” But what about the floor? Wouldn’t it be just as accurate to say “as long as you live on top of my floor?” Or if you have someone in your basement, how about “as long as you are on top of my foundation?” I’m sure architects can do a lot to spice up English. What about an expression featuring joists? A witty pun on the flying buttress? How about a simple exclamation centered around the insulating properties of fiberglass? Heck, I’d settle for a simple spackle saying.

Get a move on, architects. We need you.

Let's face it. Mike Brady wasn't much of an architect....

Let’s face it. Mike Brady wasn’t much of an architect….

...but he had a heck of a perm.

…but he had a heck of a perm.

 

 

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HOW TO MAKE ANYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!! Not a pill! Not a drug!

27 Jan

January 27, 2014

A couple of second graders in Boston had some free time on their hands and they wrote a list of steps to falling in love. Although they had 24 slots, they ended the list at 13. Either they ran out of time or 13 is all you need, I don’t know. Maybe the missing 11 steps are for the divorce.

love list

Also missing are steps 7 and 9, but I think that just adds to the mystery and mystique of love! The kids’ steps are in black, my commentary is in red.

1. First you stare at the person. DO NOT do this on the subway. This will get you arrested and/or sprayed with mace.

2. You get close to each other. But not too close! See step one above.

3. You ask for a date. Ok.

4. You go in bed and do sex. Number four, like the others on the list, is singular, so I guess that after step three, asking for a date, you were turned down, so you go to bed and masturbate.

5. When you kiss you suck and lick. These are some advanced second-graders!

6. Get nacked [sic] in bed and do more sex. Wow, you must be an animal!

7.

8. Go dance and put your noses together. Um, what?

9.

10. You go in bed forever Then kiss forever. “Forever? Forever ever?”

(I was hoping I could find this clip!)

11. Take a shower together and kiss. Um, I thought we were already kissing forever?

12. Give each other rings. Sounds like every judge show ever.

13. Go to the pool together. Ah, yes, the most important step in any relationship, go to the pool together. What the what now?

It works every time!

It works every time!

So there you go, follow those 24 um, 13, um 11 steps and you too will find true love and happiness!

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