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Allan Keyes Is Angry About Commercial Stupidity

18 Nov

November 18, 2013

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One of my favorite pastimes is going outside and yelling at the clouds. I mean look at them – acting all sexy and seductive, the teases! It’s enough to make me want to take a knife and slash slash slash…..but anyway, my court-appointed therapist informed me that that sort of behavior will be frowned upon by the judge. So as a sort of substitute, I watch TV and yell about the commercials instead. Here’s one that really grinds my gears:

“A HOTDOG MAKES ME LOSE CONTROL”

At first, this one really REALLY irritated me. I mean look – it assumes that a fairly attractive (in a severe way) wife is dumb enough to believe that her husband is openly flirting with the donut girl right in front of her. And that’s an annoying proposition – I HATE HATE HATE commercials that are stupid to the point of insulting. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I mean look, I can’t count how many times I’ve been out with the wife getting lunch (we like to eat) and I take one look at the sandwich artist girl (or guy) making my turkey club and just blurt out “DAMN! I LIKES ME SOME ‘O DAT ASS!” right in front of her.

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I mean, yeah it takes about 20 minutes to convince her that I mean pASStrami but still, I can relate.

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There is one other thing I want to mention – get a look at that “sausage” – it’s a split hotdog. If you find that kind of crap tasty, you deserve to be cursed with a wife who’ll throw down over a donut girl.

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Mr. Blog Asks: Are they that cheap that they couldn’t afford a round patty? 

On a related note, this comes up on youtube as the “STUPIDEST COMMERCIAL EVER”

Hard to disagree really.

YES! Rubber Duckie Inducted Into Toy Hall Of Fame!

14 Nov

November 14, 2013

YES! ABOUT FREAKIN’ TIME!

I will now turn over the rest of this post to Pierre D. Duck.

251517_231324220215902_1806800_nHello! I am Pierre D. Duck, the World’s Greatest Duck! I work in a bakery where I eat a lot of cake and I have a big family too. I would like to accept this award on behalf of me, Pierre, because I deserve it. Did you know that I am a model? The rubber duckie? That is me. When I was very young they took my picture and made me into a toy because I was so cute and loveable. I am still very handsome. I would like to thank everyone who honored me because I am so great, including my wife Cecelia who is making me spaghetti tonight with meatballs and a hoagie sandwich, and my children who are so cute because they look like me, and my son Norman who plays baseball. Thank all of you for making me such a great duck and who is going to have a big dinner tonight! Thank you all for food!