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In Search of… Sasquatch

19 Oct

October 19, 2010

This is the fourth in a series of in-depth and hard-hitting exposés of some of the legendary creatures of cryptozoology. Previous reports focused on the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Monkey Man of New Delhi.

Sasquatch. Yeti. Abominable Snowman. Skunk Ape. Bruce Vilanch.. Legends of unknown and unexplained tall and hairy ape-like hominids have been reported around the world. Even a short list is a lot to type:

Could this be the Canadian Nuk-luk?

Almas – Mongolia
Amomongo – Philippines
Ban-manush – Bangladesh
Barmanou – Afghanistan and Pakistan
Batutut – Vietnam
Bigfoot – North America
Chuchunya – Siberia
Fear liath – Scotland
Fouke Monster – America
Grassman – America
Hibagon – Japan
Mande Barung – India
Mapinguari – South America
Momo the Monster – America
Nuk-luk – Canada
Orang Mawas – Malaysia
Orang Pendek – Indonesia
Skunk ape – America
Yeren – China
Yowie – Australia

Frankly, that’s too much territory. We’ll focus on Sasquatch. Why? Because I live in North America and that makes us neighbors. It would be very embarrassing if the Sasquatch decided to drop by unexpectedly, even more so if he didn’t exist.

Habitat

Native American lore is full of stories about creatures resembling descriptions of Sasquatch across the country. These giant ape-like people were supposedly here before the arrival of the Indians. They lived as one with nature. The Indians traded with them and respected their areas. Some even regarded the Sasquatch as gods. However, by the time the Europeans arrived, there was no trace of the Sasquatch. No explanation has yet been found for the Sasquatch’s disappearance, but it is worth noting that the in the native Hekawi language, “sasquatch” means “burgers.”

Sasquatch, or Bigfoot, can be found almost anywhere in the United States and Canada. They usually stay in remote wooded areas, though when around humans they try to blend into their surroundings. This Bigfoot was found at a monster truck rally.

However, not all Sasquatch are as patriotic and most do not display the flag.

Proponents of Sasquatch point to what they call the overwhelming proof: footprints, photos, films, audio recordings, and eyewitness accounts. Skeptics point to the facts that no one has captured a living Sasquatch, found a dead Sasquatch or the remains of a Sasquatch, and all the photos seem to be pretty bad fakes. Pro-Sasquatch supporters retort that we’ve yet to see the change President Obama promised but many still believe in that too.

The Patterson Film.

This is the most famous evidence of the Sasquatch. According to Roger Patterson, he was walking through the woods near his home in California when he saw what he believed to be a female Sasquatch walking through the growth. Grabbing his movie camera, he shot some of the most well known images of Bigfoot. The short film, less than two minutes in duration, has been analyzed more times than the Erin Andrews peephole video. Although most agree that the film was untouched, scientists were split. Some said the film was undoctored and showed a Sasquatch. Others said it was undoctored but showed a man in an ape suit. In 2006 a consensus was reached that film was real and untouched, but did not show either a Bigfoot or a man in an ape suit. It was Michael Moore.

Of course, the bigger mystery is, why was Roger Patterson stalking Michael Moore? Conspiracy theories abound, the most likely of which is that Patterson just became sick of Moore’s wacko nonsense.

What else do we know about the Sasquatch?

The Bigfoot is often misidentified. Commonly mistaken for it are bears, Chewbacca, and professional wrestlers.

Perhaps a potentially plausible primitive primate possibility?

Gigantopithecus

This was a giant primate that lived in China thousands of years ago. Somehow, it spread throughout the world and has become the basis of the Yeti, Sasquatch, Vilanch, etc legends. How did it do this without being seen? Beats me.

A final word.

Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot’s droppings or shut up!
Ranger Park: I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.
(Futurama)

That sums up the Sasquatch debate as neatly as anything else I’ve heard.

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11 Responses to “In Search of… Sasquatch”

  1. Thomas Stazyk October 19, 2010 at 12:33 am #

    I’d much rather meet Sasquatch than a Skunk Ape!

    Like

    • bmj2k October 19, 2010 at 12:38 am #

      Some nights…closing time…

      Like

  2. JRD Skinner October 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm #

    Still loving this series.

    Who’s the wrestler in the funky suit? It looks vaguely familiar from my WWF watching youth, but my mind is drawing a blank.

    Like

    • bmj2k October 19, 2010 at 3:08 pm #

      He was a foreign-born basketball player with whichever NBA franchise Ted Turner owned. He was a terrible basketball player but they owed him big money. Because he was so tall, someone figured he could be a wrestler and shifted him to Turner’s WCW, where he wrestled as El Gigante (as a homage/ripoff of Andre the Giant, whom this guy resembled not at all. Paul “Big Show” Wight got the same bad push.) He has some strange silvery suit and headband as a costume. Eventually he went to the WWF, where Vince McMahon hired him, despite a total lack of wrestling ability, simply because Vince likes big guys in the ring. Here he was called the Giant Gonzalez and given that ridiculous costume with the fur and spray-on muscles in some strange attampt to imply that he was not human.

      Like

      • JRD Skinner October 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm #

        Crazy. I wonder what ever happened to him – so many of those meaty men of my youth seem to have gone through the grinder pretty poorly over the years.

        Like

  3. bmj2k October 19, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    Wordle: sasquatch

    Thanks Skinner for introducing me to Wordles. Here is the appropriately footprint-shaped one I got from this blog.

    Like

  4. Jason Tyne October 20, 2010 at 12:33 am #

    It’s funny that you equate Sasquatch with Michael Moore…I just blogged about him an Unicorns!

    Like

    • bmj2k October 20, 2010 at 1:00 pm #

      Nice job on your blog too. It was well-written and thought-provoking at times.

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Bruce Vilanch is a Good Guy, I Think. « Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - October 26, 2010

    […] I wrote a blog entitled In Search of… Sasquatch in which I speculated that perhaps some of the Bigfoot sightings could be attributed to Bruce […]

    Like

  2. The Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride Wiki « Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - December 6, 2012

    […] one exception was a short note from the very funny and good sport Bruce Vilanch, in reference to this post. Yep, I’m a name dropper.) In fact I check it so rarely that I won’t even give the address here […]

    Like

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