Tag Archives: testicles

Is there anything more manly than cheese?

3 Sep

September 3, 2013

Is there anything more manly than cheese?

Frankly there is.

  • Fighting a lion
  • Farting in public
  • Testicles

But not one of them goes great on a burger.

Cheese is awesome! Put it on a burger, nachos, pretzels, melt it on a sandwich, squirt it straight out of the can, lick it off the body of someone you love, whatever you do with it, cheese rocks!

Which is why I had to stop and take this picture.

       DSCN2227                  

I was in New Jersey with Allan Keyes filming doing something I contractually can’t talk about Yes, those are my legs reflected in the window. Aren’t I a great photographer? But artistry be damned, we are talking about cheese! No phony “cheez” here, no plastic gooey stuff, this is the real deal C-H-E-E-S-E! Cheese!

Aside from bacon (mmmm, bacon) what else is there that is such an awesome food? Nothing. If all you had to eat in life were cheese and bacon you’d be very, very happy. And probably die of a massive heart attack in a few weeks but who cares? CHEESE!

So being a cheese loving man I had to stop at the amazingly named Cheese Cave (because when it comes to cheese, we are all cavemen at heart. “MMMM, want more cheese!”) and take a picture of the front window. I could only imagine all the varieties they must have inside- cheddar, Swiss, American, um, cheddar…

I would have loved to go in and browse, maybe buy a pound or ten, but something stopped me. It was a little voice, the voice of reason maybe, or perhaps my conscience, knowing how all that cheese would clog my arteries and make my cholesterol higher than Snoop Dogg/Lion in Mexico, but whatever, it was, it would not let me go in.

“The store is closed, dumb ass.” It was Keyes.

So I left New Jersey, salivating, my hunger for cheese unfulfilled. But don’t worry, there is a happy ending.

We stopped for pizza on the way home. Extra cheese.

The Man With The 140 Pound Scrotum: UPDATE

24 Jul

July 24, 2013

Last week, I brought you one of my favorite Imponderables, a story about Wesley Warren, who Belvedered and his testicles swelled, and swelled, and swelled some more, and ballooned up to 140 pounds. And in a twist worthy of Rod Serling, after he had them surgically removed, he was left with a one inch penis.

Yowtch!

Yowtch!

I can’t say I had much sympathy for the guy, after all, I was too busy laughing, but on the other hand, this really was a horrible, terrible condition, and I couldn’t fathom anyone going through what he went through.

And then I read this.

scrot1

This is what passed for celebrity these days, I am sad to say. The man was worried he was going to miss the celebrity his 140 pound testicles brought him. Yes, he will miss being the freak with the giant balls who couldn’t walk more than thirty seconds because his inhuman nuts were too heavy.

I can only hope that he finds new celebrity as the man with the one inch penis. He may not love, sexual gratification, or dignity, but I sure hope this tool finds fame.

 

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