Tag Archives: McDLT

My Corporate Pancake Breakfast

10 Oct

October 10, 2014

Fluffy, golden pancakes. Butter, maple syrup, fresh fruit, orange juice, and of course, bacon. It sounds good, sounds very good. I’d really like to have a good breakfast like that.

The breakfast I had at the office last week was not totally dissimilar.

I’ll get to it soon enough.

This is Employee Appreciation Week at the Company I Am employed by. While I am not allowed to name The Company, I’ve said in the past that it is huge, national (some would say multi-national) and with amazing resources.

It is also incredibly cheap. For Employee Appreciation Week, the organizers were given a budget that was the equal of, and get ready to be blown away, $2 per person.

Yup, $2. So here’s the breakdown of the events of Employee Appreciation Week. Try to see where the $2 went.

Day 1- Funny hat day! Play Bingo at your desk! (We were emailed a new number every 5 minutes.) Free granola bar!

Day 2- Hawaiian shirt day! Everyone got a plastic lei.

Day 3- Trivia! Every hour a new trivia question was emailed to us. The catch? The questions were about The Company.

Day 4- Decades Day! Wear the clothes of your favorite decade!

Day 5- Pancake Breakfast Day!

Oh, there were four balloons near the doors on every floor, and three streamers in the hall. But the big ticket item, which must have cost as much at $1.85 out of every $2, was the pancake breakfast.

The breakfast was served from 8 to 9:30 am by the corporate executives and directors. Unlike past corporate meals where we were given a specific time to eat, we were allowed to go whenever we wanted. Of course, everyone wanted to go at 8, so the line was pretty long.

When we got into the cafeteria, the food was set up on tables in front of the usual serving area. In other words, the food was nowhere near the stoves, ovens, griddles, hot tables, etc. This was not a good sign.

Our first stop was by the Director of my division, who handed us a small Styrofoam box. Remember the McDLT that McDonald’s used to beg us to buy? (“The hot side stays hot, the cold side stays cold. Really, we think someone will buy this”) The Styrofoam containers were roughly the same size, meaning our pancakes breakfast would be served in a box roughly the size of two Big Mac boxes side by side.


The next station was the pancakes. I’ve eaten my fair share of pancakes in my life. I love IHOP and go well out of my way for the all-you-can-eat pancakes deal. So I know pancakes.

These were not pancakes.

These were very thin, almost see-through, and about 2/3 the diameter of a normal pancake. They were stacked up in a large tin tray and the server, another Director, asked me “one pancake or two?” I said “how about 13?” He laughed and dropped two pancakes in my box, taking up the room of about a couple of sheets of paper.

This was followed by a strip of overcooked bacon and a scoop of mixed fruit. I took a couple of little butter packets and some syrup packets which were generically labeled YELLOW BUTTER and PANCAKE SYRUP (MAPLE).

Lastly was a woman who tried to hand me either a tiny container of orange juice (Tropicana, believe it or not) or a bottle of water. She was not happy when I took both.

And then, Styrofoam container and drinks in hand, we went back upstairs and to our desks to eat since the cafeteria is under construction.

I tried to spread the butter on the pancakes and they tore apart. Then three bites later and my breakfast was finished.

Overall, I’d say that yes, I nearly got my $2 worth out of Employee Appreciation Week.


“Best” of Allan Keyes: Discontinued McDonald’s Food

11 Feb

February 11, 2013

Mr. Blog here. Allan Keyes has come down with an unfortunate case of the “Idonwannas.”
“Idonwanna go to work.”
“Idonwanna get out of bed.”
“Idonwanna write a stupid post for your lousy blog.”

To be fair, he has also been barfing up a storm and his face is all red and swollen. He might need medical attention, I don’t know. We’ll wait and see. I gave him a couple of aspirin, that might work.

In the meantime, while Keyes hovers between this world and the next, I dug out what could laughably be called “the best” of his body of work. (“best” = a lot of fat guy eating a cheeseburger. Everyone loves Norman Snackmunch.)

from July 16, 2012

Anyone else waiting for the McRib to come back? I actually follow the McDonalds Twitter just in hopes of seeing the announcement that it’s coming back “only for a limited time.” I know it’s probably as shady a sandwich as Krusty Burgers “Ribwich” 

or even this yummy sounding sandwich 

but there’s something about  that overly processed pork-like meat product drowned in overly tangy sauce, cooked to peak rubber texture,  and slapped on that bland potato bun that really sets my mouth watering. Serously.  How can you not love this thing? I mean look at it, it’s even shaped like a rack of ribs

Any product that involves injecting meat into shaped molds holds a dear place in my heart. But the McRib is a bit of an anomaly, usually when a burger fails, it’s never seen again, banished down the fast-food memory hole.  So I got to thinking….. (yeah, you see where this is going)


Side note….when word started to get around that I was working on this, a regular to this blog contacted me and asked if he could add guest commentary, and I was only too happy to oblige him.

#5: Salad Shaker:

Never mind the salad, look at the tool advertising this lol!  He’s like the salad Fonzie….

#4: McLean Deluxe

Ah yes…..McDonalds’ attempt at a “diet” burger. When word got out it contained a small bit of seaweed (no, really) that kind of killed it straightaway. Besides, when we go to Mickey D’s……we don’t want healthy. Asshats.

#3: McPizza


And Italy weeps. Epic……EPIC fail. Clever use of the logo aside, the pizza never looked like this. The best comparison I can think of would be if you covered a small Styrofoam Frisbee with half-melted cheese. Instead of putting the local pizzeria competition or Pizza Hut out of business, it drove customers away as they flocked to get the real thing.

#2: McDLT

Let’s all say it together: HOT SIDE STAYS HOT! COLD SIDE STAYS COLD!  I’m pretty sure David Letterman got great mileage out of this one.  And I remember an old Yakov Smirnoff bit around this….”In Russia, cold side stays cold, and hot side stays cold also!” What’s ol’ Yakov up to now? Lets watch! 

The best thing about this burger, aside from the fantastic use of Styrofoam?  George Costanza makes  a fool out of himself:

#1: Hula Burger

First of all, it sounds like an old Polynesian Jew : Hula Berger.  That groaner aside, this was Ray Kroc’s attempt to capitalize on meatless Fridays, by offering a “burger” consisting of a slice of pineapple and American cheese.  Still, this was less over the top (though less laugh inducing) than Kroc’s other brainstorm of berating  his baseball team the San Diego Padres over the stadium public address system after a game (true story).

In the meantime, McDonalds continues to experiment with pineapple for some reason….



COMING NEXT WEEK: A special rant: “This Gentleman Needs to Have His Ass Kicked”

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