Advertisements

Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines, August 2014

3 Aug

August 3, 2014

Hello, Devoted Readers. I’m sure both of you will get a kick out of this. (I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know for a fact that I have more than two devoted readers. My great aunt and her sewing circle call me every Sunday morning to complain.)

Journalism is certainly taking a beating in recent years, and frankly it deserves it. Take these actual headlines which appeared this weekend on newser.com. (Their motto: We’re the meh of the internet.)

bad timing

“‘Bad Timing’ Wiped Out Dinosaurs. Asteroid Hit At Just The Wrong Time, Researchers Say.”

So when is the right time for an asteroid to hit? Maybe if it had hit at night, when all the dinosaurs were safely tucked in bed, they would have made it. Or maybe it if had hit on a weekday when the dinosaurs were in school, they could have done the old duck and cover and hidden under their desks. Too bad the asteroid had to hit on a sunny  summertime Saturday afternoon when all the dinosaurs were at the beach, no shelter in sight.

cannibal

“Why Cannibalism Is Bad For Your Health”

I suppose it depends on whether you are the eater or the appetizer. Seriously, I can’t think of a situation where cannibalism would be good for your health.

ikea

“Woman Finds 80 Skeletons Crammed Into Ikea Bags. Gruesome Discovery Made in Swedish Church.”

I thought Ikea was a Swedish church. Whenever I buy something there, I pray it doesn’t fall apart.

But seriously, when the woman got home, she discovered that they were missing parts, two femurs and a metacarpal, plus she lost the little wrench Ikea uses to put everything together.

.

 

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines, August 2014”

  1. Mac of BIOnighT August 4, 2014 at 1:08 am #

    After all this, I find their slogan “read less, know more” definitely hilarious 😀

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. More Snappy Answers to Stupid Headlines | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - August 11, 2014

    […] again Devoted Readers. Last time I did a Snappy Answers column, I mentioned that I get complaints comments from my great aunt and her sewing circle, The Newkirk […]

    Like

  2. Snappier Answers to Stupider Headlines (September 2014) | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - September 4, 2014

    […] posted a couple other Snappy Answers to Newser headlines before (HERE and HERE, have fun, click away) and the response has been overwhelming. My great-aunt’s […]

    Like

Have something to say? Let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: