Tag Archives: flying suacers

Lying Awake With John Newly: The 4th Hour

22 Nov

November 22, 2014

And that’s the news at 3:05 am. Stay tuned for the fourth hour of Lying Awake with John Newly.

Promo for the WKAT listener sweepstakes- “if we pick your cat’s name from our giant listener litter box, you’ll win a KAT Cat Hat! Offer void in the continental United States.”

Strange sci-fi Theremin music swells, announcer with unusually deep voice and a slight lisp speaks.

Lying Awake with John Newly airs six nights a week from midnight to six am. Callers are welcome on the studio line, 1-800-463-WKAT, the international line by calling overseas operator 27, or tonight’s “That Chupacabra ate my pants!” hotline, 1-800-NoMoPants. And now, here’s John Newly.

Music fades out, show begins.

Ghosts, witches, and bagels, we’ve covered it all here tonight. Welcome back to Lying Awake with John Newly. That’s me by the way, John Newly, and if you’ve ever wanted to meet me in person, you can see my tour schedule on the Lying Awake website. My producer Fast Eddie makes sure to keep that up to date. Next week, I’ll be in the Main Street Reading Room in Tombstone Arizona reading an excerpt of my new book, The Devil’s Hidden Chakra. Tombstone Arizona, is that right, Fast Eddie? Tombstone? (Inaudible off mic.) I hope there are still people living there! I’d hate to be all alone in a ghost town! Meanwhile, we’ve been speaking with Doctor Lazarus P. Brookstone on all kinds of topics, he’s a self-proclaimed “Mr. Know-It-All Who Knows It All.” We’ll continue our discussion next.

Commercial for DVD- Where Will You Be When The Moon Explodes? How to protect your financial assets from the coming lunar apocalypse.

Commercial for local politician Brad Fergus, advocating higher taxes on everything.

We’re back and before the break, I was asking Doctor Lazarus P. Brookstone what he knows about UFO’s. Doctor?

– I know a lot, actually.

What can you tell us?

-What would you like to know? (Laughs.)

Are UFO’s real?



Yes? They do exist? Flying saucers, aliens, the whole thing?

-Yes, the whole thing and even more!

Simply fascinating. Amazing! Have you seen a UFO?

-Of course! I’ve ridden in them too!

That’s been a dream of mine, and probably of all my listeners out there. I’ve always dreamed about riding in a UFO, but I don’t want to get probed! Do they really do that?

-Yes, but it isn’t really what people think it is.

(Laughing) So it’s not an anal probe, that’s a relief.

-No, no, it is an anal probe.

Hmmm, maybe I’ll rethink that trip! (Laughter.)

-If the aliens want to anal probe you, they’ll anal probe you if you’re on the UFO or not.

Wow, that’s something to think about, isn’t it? We’ll be right back.




Spotlight: Jimbo (The OTR Guy)

1 Aug

August 1, 2012

Spotlight Week rolls on with Jimbo. Jimbo is one of the true Good Guys on the internet. One of his many interests is OTR, Old Time Radio, a topic I know a bit about myself as well. But if I know a bit, Jimbo knows tons. One of his favorite shows is Vic and Sade, a very funny show I have slowly become a fan of thanks to Jimbo and his great site http://vicandsade.blogspot.com/ (just one of his many sites- this guy does a lot, including keeping a great twitter feed running) where you can learn all about this funny show, and also Uncle Fletcher, Jimbo’s favorite character. You can click on the link in the sidebar to go to http://otrbuffet.blogspot.com/, a site that has something about everything in OTR, including a couple of interviews with me, Your Obedient Servant. I also must add that some recent content on this blog has been inspired by his very funny ideas.

Today, Jimbo moves away from what I’ve come to expect from him and tells us of a very personal experience. Although it is rarely mentioned in this blog, Jimbo and I share an interest in the following topic, though his story beats any of mine.

Object: Unidentified and Flying

Thanks to BMJ2K, who has opened his website to me to do whatever I wanted to do.  I had thoughts of writing something really, imaginatively funny and I thought about writing something tear-jerkingly sad as well.

However, what I have chosen to do is tell you a true story, something that once happened to me.  I don’t ask you to believe me; you can do as you wish.

It was a cool morning and a humid one in 1997 or 1998. It is always humid here.  I live less than 5 miles from the Atlantic Ocean and am in the deepest, darkest part of Georgia, right in the middle of God-only-knows how many swamps.  Sure, I’ve seen plenty of gators and wild boar.  Deer and tree frogs are common too.  That’s life in the middle of nowhere.

Actually, it isn’t fair to say“nowhere” because there is a Naval base in the town where I live.  This means that the town is made up of all manner of Americans with about a million dialects.

So one morning, about 14 years ago, I headed off to work.  I had to be there at 5:30 am; something I’ve always been used to doing has been to rise and shine at an early hour.

I don’t remember much about that morning until it happened.  Out of my left upper periphery I noticed a very bright light.  The light was so bright and so close that I slowed down to a near crawl, as there was no one on the street but me.  There were power lines on both sides of the street and I was near my work site and I began – not be scared – but to becomes enchanted by what I saw.

I could see now there were about 6 visible lights.  They were round and white and reminded me of basketballs, although they were probably much larger.  What happened next bewildered me and left me speechless – even though there was no one to talk to at the time.

I could see now that this object was a flying vehicle of some sort and though I could not to this day tell you exactly what it was, except it was flying and had many bright lights.  It came down low, came right at my truck, probably at a speed of 30 miles an hour or so and brushed right over my vehicle.  The light blinded me and awed me all at once and I did not have the hindsight to look back to watch where it went.  As a matter of fact, I kept driving and I didn’t speed up or slow down that I remember.  I often wonder now what it was that kept me from looking back.

When I got to work, I parked and sat there a good 5-10 minutes reflecting on what had happened.  Did I just have a real experience?  Am I fully awake?  Did I just see a vehicle come out of the sky and come right over me?  The answer to all of those questions was yes.

I was in my right, fully capable mind that morning.  I was not on any narcotic nor was I an indulger of alcohol.  What happened to me was real.

I thought to myself – and still wonder to this day – if this was some kind of government (maybe a Navy) vehicle.  It could have been, I never have said it was an alien vehicle or a “flying saucer.”  However, the thing defied the laws of psychics.  It maneuvered flawlessly, silently over and around power lines.

I was excited.  I couldn’t wait to tell people what I saw.  But of course you know what happened when I told them.  Coming from me, one of the biggest leg-pullers in North America, no one believed me.  To this day the only people I feel really believe the story are my brother and sister.

I have been foolish enough to tell the story enough times to be fully disbelieved about a thousand times.  And now, a thousand and one.

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