Tag Archives: fiction

Hollywood Russell and the Hotel Hustle, Part One

27 Mar

March 27, 2014

hotel hustle

The beach was windy and cold, but more importantly for Hollywood Russell’s bank account, it was off-season. The beach was part of Brigantine Island, just a short hop from Atlantic City, and if you had a car and a mind to do so, you could drive around the perimeter of the island, see the sights, and be back where you started in about fifteen minutes.

Hollywood had been promising Stella Warren, his current not-a-girlfriend, a trip to Atlantic City for what Stella said had been months. Hollywood was sure he had mentioned it off-hand once, and only once (and while distracted by a case, at that) but a promise was a promise and in a P.I.’s line of work, it was important to keep promises. However, for Hollywood Russell, work always came first, and what he was hoping would come next would be a case where he could somehow put this trip to the capital gaming capitol on his expense account. But all of his recent cases were local and Stella was about ready to walk out on him, hence this off-season escape to the shore.

The Brigantine Hotel had seen better days, and Hollywood suspected that those days were around the 1890’s. It was a very tall building, easily the tallest building on the island, and impossible to miss since the rest of the buildings topped out at two stories. Add the fact that this pocket skyscraper was right on the beach, literally, with no other buildings even close, and you had a hotel that screamed “late night horror movie.”

brigantine 2

Sand from the beach had blown all over the parking lot, the front steps, and into the lobby. Water from large waves came all the way up and into the back entrance. While Stella oohed and ahhed over the location, Hollywood wondered what kept the hotel from sinking into the ground.

The vacationing detective got their bags from the trunk while Stella turned up her collar against the wind. “It’s too cold out here!” Hollywood grunted something about wearing more clothes and less makeup and led her through the front door.

There was no one there.

 

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To Be Continued

 

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Choose Your Own Allan Keyes Adventure

11 Nov

November 11, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m taking a creative writing class. It’s part of my self-improvement kick, and since I refuse to give up my rage, xenophobia or binge-eating, this was the least difficult option for me.

That said, since I’m a lazy man and this class is still in fact, too difficult for me, I’m going to try an experiment and crowd-source my short story. If you help me, I promise at some later date to actually show you the finished product.  So imagine yourself as a sophisticated reader (which you naturally are, you’re visiting this blog after all!) and tell us what you think….

Preferred Name for the Hero:

-Slickjack Bohannon

-Razor Horowitz

-Arnold Stallone

-Malvin van Brocklingham, III, Esq.

 

Preferred Name for the Villain:

-Rodney TechNine Johnson

-Cordova Montelban

-Whitey Supremacist

-Yakuza Shinobi

 

Preferred Name for the Love Interest:

-Dances on Poles (an American Indian gal)

-Electra Mankiller

-Pouty Busterton

-Sister Carlotta Savio Vega de la Renta de la Paz

– Gertrude Winklevitz

-Roger Manlove

snoopy-good-writing-is-hard-work 

Where The Story Takes Place:

-Peoria

-The slums of Greenwich, Connecticut

-A broom closet in a janitor’s storage room on the 46th floor of a skyscraper on Memorial Day

-An electrolysis shop on the wrong side of the tracks

-The first kosher hot dog stand in Saigon

-An endless void

 

What the Story is About:

-A touching love story of redemption between an aspiring Plushie and a Donnie Most imitator

-The world’s smartest bird travels back in time to learn the identity of the true inventor of “The Aristocrats” routine

-One desperate network executive tries to save his job by making a News Radio reunion happen, while a rival tries to prevent it – with murderous results

-A suave pig rancher pursues his dream of joining the most prestigious mariachi band in his hometown – Los Dudes Guapos

-An young orphan boy in Guandong Province grows up to be the most famous scat singer since Mel Torme, but faces the rejection of the local noodle wench

-Nothing. What did you do this morning? Ate breakfast and read a book. That’s what happens.

 

Supporting Characters (Pick any 5):

-A jaded prostitute with a heart of gold

-A gruff but secretly paternal Police Captain

-A chainsmoking conspiracy theorist

-A drunken bumbling sidekick that always saves the day

-A deadly rival – who becomes the hero’s best friend

-An overprotective mother

-An under-protective father

-An older male friend – who turns out to be the hero’s long lost daddy

-A disabled war buddy from the Grenada invasion

-Twin circus clowns (counts as three picks)

-An old mentor who’s lost his way

-The Ghost of President Warren G. Harding

-A Friendly Italian whale

 Writingishard

Surprise Plot Twist:

-Evil Twin!

-The butler didn’t do it……the maid did!

-The doctor was the patient’s mother

-The President turns out to be on the Mafia’s payroll

-Darth Vader already got to Bespin first (Hey, it worked for Lucas….)

-Zombie haberdashers

-Accidentally betrayed by those closest to him

-NWO SwerveTM

 

Proposed Titles:

-Full Moons and Pressed Hams

– Esta Historia es Increíblemente Estúpido

-Analstorm: The Bloodening

-The Whimsical Rampage of Dr. Horatio Neublizer

-Lil’ Penny the Cutest Brutalizer

-Star Wars Episode VII